Either these photos of Tea Leoni in a bikini are old (see here) or she’s committed the unspeakable celebrity sin of wearing the same bikini twice. Tea needs to be more careful before she’s shamed into irrelevance aka celebrity purgatory. Flaunting her practicality like this is no way to make friends in Hollywood. They’re all going to laugh at you, Tea. They’re all going to laugh at you.

When it was announced that David Duchovny was entering rehab for a rumored sex addiction, news started coming out that he and Tea Leoni were headed for divorce. That didn’t happen and earlier this month they were said to have renewed their vows. Guess what? It worked. Maybe.

Here’s Tea Leoni looking slightly happy and confused in a bikini at the beach for Father’s Day. David Duchovny was there too, but he’s hard to make out since he’s under the ocean going down on some girl.

Late yesterday, PEOPLE reported that Tea Leoni and David Duchovny were divorcing and “have in fact been separated for several months,” which makes this coupley photo taken of them at the Czech Street Festival a lie. Knowing that David Duchovny recently went to rehab for sex addiction, one may think he is to blame. Turns out that’s not true. The Daily Mail says that David found dirty text messages from Billy Bob Thornton on Tea’s phone.

Five-times married Billy Bob met Téa when they made a comedy film together earlier this year called Manure.

Thornton, a musician with his own band, has been seen with Téa at his gigs.

‘She even helps him load and unload his truck,’ says a friend of the couple.

There must be something special about Billy Bob to jeopardize an 11 year marriage to be with him. Some say it’s his charisma, some say it’s his sexual prowess. I say it’s that magical charm he paid a shaman to make him. Occam’s razor, man.

David Duchovny has checked out of sex rehab. His lawyer, Stanton Stein, tells PEOPLE “he successfully completed his treatment.” It turns out, David has been out for a while as he made his way to the Czech Days Festival in NYC with Téa Leoni last Saturday.

For the curious, I called the rehab facility (no I didn’t) about David’s program and they tell me his treatment consisted of whores. And lots of them.

[Image via this place]

David Duchovny checked into rehab at the end of August for sex addiction. Some suspected David cheated on Tea Leoni with his tennis instructor. It was later revealed the sex addiction was actually a porn addiction. Today, The National Enquirer via the Daily Mail goes back to the cheating on wife theory. There’s no mention on who he cheated with, just the fact that Tea found out and gave him an ultimatum: “Get treatment or our marriage is over.”

According to the source, Duchovny has admitted that he is compulsively driven to be unfaithful and finds it impossible to turn down the legions of women who offer themselves to him.

Oh, please. Impossible? Hardly. Just do what I do and put your stuffed animals dressed in halter tops and mini-skirts back in your closet. Temptation gone. Ta-da!

With the release of the X-Files sequel looming ever so ominously, it only makes sense that pictures of David Duchovny’s wife, Tea Leoni, in a bikini surface. As the old saying goes, “To properly whore out one’s movie, one must whore out one’s wife,” or something to that effect.

Anyone remember Tea Leoni? Her last movie was Fun With Dick and Jane with Jim Carrey. She used to be synonymous with skinny. Not anymore it seems. Her upper body looks a little funky these days. I can’t call it fat because there isn’t a belly or loose skin. It’s more like she’s gearing up for a career as a linebacker. Or maybe I’m just blind. That could explain a lot. Like how Angelina Jolie ended up tied to my bed. What a terrible mistake. A terribly sexy mistake. Oops, how did my penis get in there? Damn my nearsightedness.