Teri Hatcher showed up at a celebrity yard sale for St. Jude’s over the weekend to raise money for the organization. She must have gotten a new round of botox because she had veins popping out of her forehead (check it at Celebitchy). Sort of like Paris Hilton does when she thinks real hard.

If Teri’s face is ever frozen because of botox, I hope it’ll be frozen in the expression up top. I’d always want my girlfriend to be surprised yet a little afraid.

The other day Teri Hatcher posted a bunch of pictures to Facebook of herself just out of the shower and “make-up free” with running commentary that women don’t need Botox. Now she’s backtracking because she doesn’t want to offend anyone.

“It’s not about Botox to me…I don’t have any judgement about doing Botox…I’ve done Botox, I may do it again — I don’t know. It’s not the point.”

The real mission of her “Does This Look Botoxed to You?” pics? “There has to be a different sort of baseline of how we’re accepting beauty,” the single mother of one said.

“I wanted women in America, not in Hollywood, to know is that so much of the manipulation of going from the real Teri Hatcher to the Teri Hatcher that’s on an advertising poster or an endorsement — that a lot of that happens through lighting,” she continued.

It’s great how when Hollywood gets old they start campaigning for a different “baseline” of beauty. They didn’t have a problem with it when they didn’t look like they were just unearthed from a 50,000 year old pyramid.

To silence critics who allege she’s been pumping botox in her face and also to scar me for life, Teri Hatcher posted a few photos of herself straight out of the shower on Facebook. No photoshop, no make-up. Just Teri au naturel. *Shudders* Oh, look. She even made cute little captions for each picture.

- Out of the bath getting ready for bed. Thought about all those damn critics of my face. Love it or hate it, my face that is, no surgery, no implants, no matter what “they” say. Decided I’d shoot myself in to reveal some truths about “beauty” and hope it makes you all easier on yourself.

- Did I every toy with fillers or Botox over the years? yes. Tell me does this look Botoxed to you?
Yes I am alone in my bathroom naked in a towel on behalf of women everywhere trying to make a point. Women YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

- Oh look I can raise my eyebrows and wrinkles show up on my forehead.

- I can look both ways too. So I guess I”m safe to cross the street then.

- I can be mad, or confused or sad and tired. Julia Roberts had that same vein in her forehead in Eat Pray Love. Proud of Julia for being a real woman on a real journey.

- I can really rough you up. I can also look like a monkey if I put grapes in my upper lip. It’s really funny. I have to say I cant remember ever being upset enough to look like this, but I’m just making or shall I say “under LINING” a point.

- 45 year old me. Just me wanting to teach that all those glam versus trash pictures of celebs are about LIGHTING. It’s not makeup it’s not suregery or botox its LIGHT. Flat front light in you face especially sun setting 4pm light blows out all wrinkles and imperfections. Over head light, sun anything casts shadows under your eye from your brow making you look tired. Shoot all family reunion photos that way over the camera man who should be holding the camera a little higher than your eye line.

- This is shot by Matthew Rolston with his wonderful lighting ( and no botox) for the new 7th season DH promos. Hope you learned something. You create your own paradise or prison. Being happy inside is all that matters. Find that in whatever way works for you. See something in the mirror you love every day.

Ahhh, okay, okay. I give in. Tap out. TAP OUT! I believe you. Just please stop posting these photos. I want to live!

A statement released last Saturday said Conan O’Brien fell while filming a skit on Friday but was expected to return to work on Monday. Conan was running down a flight of stairs when he slipped and hit his head. Maybe even suffering a concussion. Not much else was known at the time.

“Last thing I remember I was enjoying the play with Mrs. Lincoln, and the next thing I knew I was in bed being served cookies and juice,” O’Brien said afterward.

Last night, they showed the footage of his injury. Turns out it was Teri Hatcher’s fault. Can we put her down now? She seems like a menace to society.

O’Brien and Hatcher were doing a mock triathlon thing and right before the finish line, Conan slipped and kissed the ground with the back of his head. They played it off as an accident, but I think Conan was doing his best impression of Robert Cheruiyo (video below). That Conan. Always joking around.

Teri Hatcher made good on her promise to compete in the Nautica Triathlon in Malibu over the weekend which was commendable. She also gave us a little something extra. A partial look to what lies beneath her panties. Hint: imagine a bulldog’s face. Now imagine the outside of a vagina. Now put them together. Ta-da! You’re going to vomit too, aren’t you?

Every year, Teri Hatcher rises from her grave to attend the People’s Choice Awards. This year was no exception. Here she is morphing into a gargoyle and frightening half of Tinsel Town. If you dare to look, you’ll probably realize she’s from TV. That is correct. Each week ABC airs episodes of this monster’s exploits. You probably thought they were cautionary tales. More metaphor than reality. You were wrong. It turns out this monster is very, very real.

Skin care company Hydroderm is suing Teri Hatcher for breach of contract. The $2 million lawsuit alleges she promoted a lip plumper from rival company, CityLips, despite an agreement prohibiting her from doing so.

Hatcher appeared in promotional materials for CityLips, said she was a “fan” of the product, credited it with “helping her appear beautiful at an awards event,” and gave CityLips gift bags to guests at her birthday party.

“Hatcher’s name, image and likeness have been linked to so many competitors’ products (at least 17!) that it is anyone’s guess as to what product keeps her skin and lips youthful,” said the lawsuit.

In a statement, Hatcher attorney Alan Wertheimer called the suit an “unjustified and public assault on Teri Hatcher’s good name, reputation and celebrity in a transparent and pathetic effort to distract from its own failure to live up to its end of the agreement.”

Teri Hatcher uses beauty products? I thought she just rolled out of her coffin every morning to conduct her visual assault on the world. Hydroderm should be happy Teri isn’t promoting their stuff. I’d be more than concerned if people were looking to Teri for beauty advice. Between you and me, I don’t think she has any. The only advice people should be asking her for is how to suck the blood from goats without being shot by farmers.

Teri Hatcher showed up at… ugh, forget it. This is disgusting. I’ve spent the last couple of weeks debating whether or not Teri Hatcher could get any more repulsive. By the looks of it, the answer is yes. What is she supposed to be anyway? Ugly? I bet it’s ugly. It looks like ugly. Is it even possible to dress up as an adjective? Well, whatever. Teri Hatcher did it.

Teri Hatcher is the quintessential woman. She exhibits such grace, such class, such dignity. Don’t believe me? Just look at these photos of her picking her ass and nose. Why she’s still single, I do not know. Maybe her role on Desperate Housewives has sheltered her from the fiery stare of man or maybe she’s such a beautiful flower that to pluck her would be sacrilege. Whatever it is, men are missing out. For how can one go through life without experiencing the simple pleasures of a fecal scented finger being shoved in your nostril or a juicy booger being flung in your eye. Merely typing about this fair maiden makes my loins burn with desire, does it yours?

Irony shows us it has a sense of humor as Teri Hatcher made an appearance at the 11th Annual Keep Memory Alive Event in Las Vegas looking like a homicidal strung out crack whore. Albeit a glamorous one. Ha ha irony. You’re pretty clever. +1 for you my dear old friend.

Teri Hatcher’s latest attempt to beautify the leathery chaps she calls her skin involves bathing in wine instead of drinking it. She claims it keeps her skin feeling soft.

According to scientists, wait not scientists, no, “beauty experts”, grapes contain powerful anti-oxidants. Apparently not powerful enough since her skin is about as soft as a cow’s ass. You didn’t hear this from me, but Teri Hatcher was once on safari and a guy accidentally shot her with a tranq dart in the face. It bounced right off and ricocheted into his neck. I’ll always have nightmares about that day.

I thought that you guys needed Teri Hatcher in a bikini to spice up your day. No I don’t hate you. No I’m not trying to scar you for life, I just thought…um. So ok, maybe I was trying to frighten you a little. Jesus, look at that double chin. I’m surprised she doesn’t have jowls yet. It would be awesome if she did though because I could finally see what a real live Droopy Dog looks like.

Teri Hatcher tells a British magazine that she uses super strength tape for an easy boob job. The tape is described as “thick plastic sticky tape” that holds her breasts up.

“Any model or Hollywood actress who wears fancy designer ball gowns knows how to expertly manipulate gaffer tape to mush, lift and hold your breasts like a bra. It’s a perfect temporary boob job.

Judging by her age and her looks, I am assuming this tape is most commonly known as duct tape because that’s the only kind of tape that would be able to hold those breasts up. Once word of this gets out, a whole generation of boys going through puberty will be in trouble and really disturbed.

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