The Jonas Brothers have tightened security after underwear bandits have taken to stealing boxers from their dressing rooms and leaving notes that read, “Your undies are safe with us. … The Undie Snatchers!”

This would be cooler if the boxers ended up on eBay. That way I can buy them and put them into my collection. Uh, I mean. I can burn them. Yea. With fire and shit. Heh heh. Nothing to see here.

On the surface, the Jonas Brothers may seem like three mincing gaywads, but look past those innocuous grins and there lies an evil, lecherous monster. At least that’s what it seems like to the police. People reports that the NYPD’s worst fears have come true. The Jonas Brothers are performing on NYE in Times Square. Ahhhh!

The New York Police Department – which has heroically handled terrorist attacks, blackouts and riots without a whimper – is being cautious over the “mob scene” that could result when the Jonas Brothers perform in Times Square at Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest on Wednesday night.

“So they’re now planning on using extra [security] men for support,” the source says. “It’s going to be crazy because everyone will be in Times Square to watch them perform on the show.”

How hard can it be to handle a mob of 14-year-old teeny boppers. All you have to do is get on the megaphone and tell them that a friend of a friend said Twilight star Robert Pattinson might be in the opposite direction. And while their brain is trying to figure out what to do, The Jonas Brothers in the hand or Robert Pattinson in the bush, the NYPD can fire rubber bullets into the crowd.

[The Jonas Brothers in Mexico. Image via Splash News]