According to Radar, Tila Tequila was taken to the hospital for a brain aneurysm last week which almost caused her to die. Well, not the brain aneurysm specifically, but rather the two bottles of prescription drugs she took and her subsequent attempt to jump out of her bedroom window.

“She was in two hospitals for the span of a week and is still not in perfect health, so she’s going to check into an outpatient program.”

According to the source, Tila suffered a brain aneurysm in the middle of the night, which caused her to think irrationally. Due to the pain, she took two bottles of unspecified heavy prescription drugs.

“Tila threw up all over her bed after overdosing and felt like she was dying. She was screaming for help, and in desperation, broke her bedroom window and attempted to jump out,” the source said.

“Finally a friend came over after getting a strange text from her and found her convulsing on the bed. He called an ambulance and she was taken to the hospital.”

“It’s sad to think she may have some permanent brain damage,” the source said.

“She still can’t fully speak properly.”

Sheesh. What some people will do for a little publicity. Amirite? I kid, I kid. Permanent drain bamage is terrible but at least we can find the silver lining. She still can’t speak properly. Well, I guess this silver lining is for us more so than Tila.

Publicity whore Tila Tequila is running out of ways to get press/make a spectacle of herself, as she’s now decided to convert to Judaism. TMZ reports the elfin one has been spotted at a NY temple, taking classes to begin her conversion. As Tequila puts it:

“As time passed, I started to become more and more fascinated with Kabbalah, the culture, and the way of life of the reform Judaism religion…

I just feel like the Jewish people have such a beautiful way about them, and I can’t wait to officially be Jewish! Shabbat Shalom.” TMZ

Millions of rabbis across the world just screamed “Awww, Hell’s NO!” in unison.

Opportunistic parasitic whore Tila Tequila struck a deal with Vivid to release her girl-on-girl-on-girl sex tape on February 14. However, Vivid is allegedly pissed because Pornhub.com already posted a 5 minute clip of it. Vivid has since sent a cease and desist to Pornhub, a company based in Cyprus, and claims the tape was leaked by one of their own.

Meanwhile, Tila, who’s now going by her real name Tila Nguyen to appear a little more respectable (hahaha), feigned shock and disgust. A statement released by her rep read, “Tila Nguyen is in total shock and livid right now that someone had the audacity to leak out an intimate tape made with her and her 2 girlfriends without her consent. That tape was not meant for the public and she has been fighting fiercely in court to not have anything released. We are currently working with her lawyer’s to decide what the next steps are.”

Raise your hands if you believe Vivid released this without Tila’s consent. You, sir, with the raised hand. You are an idiot. To the gallows with you!

Tila is well aware of the details of this tape’s release. She probably even leaked the 5 minute clip herself to drum up interest because no one was talking about it. Well… it worked. Aw, god dammit.

Oh and if you’re wondering, see the clip here or here. VERY NSFW. Don’t blame me if you get fired.

Court documents obtained by TMZ allege Tila Tequila kidnapped an L.A. photographer, named Garry Sun’s, girlfriend with 4 armed men at gunpoint and threatened to kill him.

Garry alleges Tila went to his girlfriend’s house in Texas, kidnapped her and got her on a plane to LA. Tila told Shyla that if she called the cops, Garry would die. Garry has taken a restraining order out on Tila.

Tila’s lawyer says Sun is filing the lawsuit because he was fired from Tila’s website. “[Sun] will undoubtedly be held accountable by appropriate authorities for making these false allegations.”

Being fired from Tila’s website should be a blessing. Who wants to work on that crap? I’d rather get paid injecting myself with Kim Kardashian’s ass fat. And if Tila kidnapped my girlfriend at gunpoint, well, then I’m glad that’s the only karmic retribution I’ll get from being affiliated with Tila Tequila. She was pregnant anyway. Saves me the hassle of moving and changing my name.

Inviting Tila Tequila to perform at the Gathering of the Juggalos, a music festival headlined by the Insane Clown Posse, may be one of the worst ideas ever. It’s right up there with hand feeding KFC to a hungry Britney Spears. There’s not one imaginable outcome of Tila performing in front of a bunch of angry kids in clown makeup that doesn’t involve her being injured in some way.

Hence, why we now have a story of Tila Tequila suffering lacerations after being pelted with rocks, beer bottles, firecrackers and shit. Literally. Shit. As in poop. Tila sent pictures of her wounds and her account of what happened to TMZ (pictures here):

“I went onstage and immediately, before I even got on stage, DUDES were throwing HUGE STONE ROCKS in my face, beer bottles that slit my eye open, almost burnt my hair on fire cuz they threw fire crackers on stage, and they even took the sh*t out of the port-0-potty and threw sh*t and piss at me when I was onstage.”

“These people were trying to kill me. So then after the last blow to my head with the firecracker they threw at me exploded, my bodygaurd and the other security grabbed me and ran as fast as they could to the shitty trailor. Since their security SUCKS, the 2 thousand people ran after us, trying to kill me. They almost got me so they finally reach the trailor, blood all over myself, cant stop bleeding, then all of a sudden, all 2 thousand people surround the trailor and busts the windows!!! Even the guys INSIDE with me were shaking! Their hands were shaking cuz they were so scared! So 3 guys inside the trailor had to grab a table and push it over the broken windows and grabbed all the chairs they could find so hold the people from outside back. It was scary as hell!”

The worst part about this is that Tila Tequila was so offensive that they didn’t just pick up a piece of dried dog crap on the ground that just happened to be there to fling at her but they went out of their way to reach into a porta potty to grab human feces to chuck at her. Although, in their defense, Tila’s music is pretty shitty. *Plays sad trombone*

With all the sex tape talk there’s obviously now a rumor that Tila Tequila has one too and that she’s already sold it. A source *coughTilacough* told Radar, “Tila inked this deal hoping that she’ll make millions off the sale of it,” and that it’ll be released by a major distributor (implying Vivid). Fueling speculation, Tila went on Twitter to brag about the baby blue Lamborghini she just bought which the “source” says was purchased with her upfront sex tape money.

The next step in this publicity stunt was for Tila to issue a denial and blame a former employee for the false rumors. Which she did. On her own site. “I finally got online and saw that there are FALSE RUMORS that I made a deal for a SEX TAPE! Which is BULL***T!! I have a feeling I know who is behind spreading these rumors. He used to work for the OMG staff, got fired for inappropriate behavior and now he’s p****d!” Tila then says she’s already sicked her pit bull lawyer on the guy.

“My pit bull Lawyer, Alan Gutman, is already on getting ready to file a restraining order from you! Do you want to play hardball? Do you want me to tell the WORLD what you did to me? Well since I have more class than you, I’m not going to tell them. Time will tell itself once the news comes out of the VIOLENT things you did to me, that scared the s**t out of me until I kept my mouth shut about it … I was so afraid to tell people what REALLY HAPPENED! You will all know soon enough! And for once and for all, I DID NOT, and I repeat, I DID NOT MAKE A DEAL TO MAKE A SEX TAPE!”

You know this whole thing is one big publicity stunt started by Tila Tequila. She says so much but at the same time says so little. No description of what she’s doing in the tape along with no hint at what “violent” things were done to her. Combine that with the fact Tila says she was too afraid to tell people what really happened even though it was an employee that did it which makes no sense because usually it’s the employee who’s afraid to talk because the employer has all the power. She’s probably sitting in her chair right now tenting her fingers and laughing about how she’s “tricked” everyone again totally unaware that she’s a complete retard.

Tila Tequila will be joining the next season of Celebrity Rehab. Earlier it was reported she loved to snort Ambien and then go on a Twitter binge. Now Radar says its ecstasy. Tomorrow it’ll be Vick’s Dayquil. The day after it’ll be Zyrtec.

Another source close to the star of A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila told RadarOnline.com that Tila liked to do Ecstacy with then-fiancée Casey Johnson during their short-lived relationship, and they often got high together.

“The night they first went public together on the red carpet, they were both high on E (ecstasy),” the source told RadarOnline.com.

“Casey only did drugs around Tila.” Ecstasy is a love drug that club kids have used since the 90s.

Ecstasy fries your brain which could explain why Tila is such a retard. She’s played almost every angle for fame. None of which have worked. She’s gone on a reality show, she’s showed her tits, she was fake engaged to a socialite who died, she did webcam shows and she even showed her tits. She’s exhausted almost every option to be as famous as Paris Hilton and now she’s back to reality tv. She should have figured out by now no one likes her. Someone should sit her down and break the bad news.

Tila Tequila, the attention-starved elf, will appear on Celebrity Rehab 4 for an ambien addiction. Tila likes to grind it up, snort it, google herself, twitter and sleep. Take out the snorting ambien part and this is what you expect Tila to do all day.

Of course, Tila isn’t going to rehab to better herself. No. If she wanted to do that, she’d check in to an unnamed rehab. Instead, she’s going on a reality show rehab in the hopes that if things go well, VH1 may do a spin-off show about her sober life.

“I KNOW I am an EXTREMELY smart girl, and to run all these empires when I am not even 30 yet, is quite an accomplishment, however I finally admitted to myself that I cannot rely on taking prescription pills everyday for the rest of my life!” Tila wrote. She then said to accomplish her goals, “I MUST not be another “LINDSAY LOHAN” where I just flush everything I worked so hard for down the toilet for nothing…”

Empires? What empires? You mean the record label we’ve heard nothing about or the gossip website that makes my eyes bleed? Can Twitter be considered an empire? Because she’s quit that thing about three times. I’ve had bowel movements with more promise than her.

Tila Tequila has to be one of the most annoying quasi-celebrities. She generally lies about stuff to get attention. Her claim to fame is having a lot of friends on MySpace, a site burning in the fiery depths of internet hell right now. She parlayed that into being famous and now cutting her own album. In a way, it was ingenious albeit annoying.

However, what she lacks in class, she makes up for in dressing like an eager stripper. Much like she did at her album launch party in LA on Wednesday. She looks like what Tinker Bell would look like if she got hooked on coke and had to whore herself out for drugs. The only thing missing from these pictures is a gangbang by Peter Pan and the rest of the Lost Boys.

And if you were planning to kill some time by looking for a hint of nipple, I saved you the trouble.

Here’s Tila Tequila at Crazy Horse promoting the release of her new single on iTunes. I don’t see how anyone finds this spastic midget sexy. It’s like watching a muppet grind on a pole. I’ve seen sexier performances at a free BBQ outside of Jenny Craig.

Guess where Tila Tequila does her grocery shopping? Whore Foods. Ba-da-dum!

Sad news, people. Tila Tequila’s fake baby is fake gone after a fake miscarriage. I shed a few fake tears when I heard. In an email exchange between Tila and someone pretending to be from a magazine (via ONTD), the editor said they were concerned about working with her because she’s 15 months pregnant. Tila replied that she had a miscarriage after getting that concussion and having a metal chair fall on her belly and that she can do the shoot now. Yay! Funny how things just work out. Tila wrote:

“So as of right now, after the unfortunate accident last night with my head concussion and miscarriage, I am no longer pregnant. Please don’t announce to the media that I lost my baby. It’s something very private to heartbreaking to me and I don’t need the media to poke fun of someone who just lost her baby. I WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE THAT. BUT I AM STILL GOING TO KEEP TRYING TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY OR JUST ADOPT ONE.”

When fake editor said they wanted to go with Lady Gaga, Tila had reiterated:

“with that said, I told you in my other email that I AM NOT PREGNANT! Due to my accident last night, mild brain concussion, and steal [sic] metal falling into my belly, the doctors told me that it killed my baby. Blood all over the place. I am devastated that my baby has died at only 15 weeks. So with your question, am I pregnant? NO. NOT ANYMORE!”

That Tila Tequila sure is resilient. She just had a miscarriage on Saturday and just flew to Australia yesterday to do some TV work for MTV. No time off or anything.

Not only that, but considering how there was blood everywhere, Tila remained levelheaded and only tweeted about how she hit her head making no mention of the murder scene that lay before her. So brave.

[Beverly Hills, January 28. Images via Fame. E-mail via here.]

Pretty much everything Tila Tequila does is a calculated attempt at garnering attention. Most times it’s dumb stuff like being engaged to Casey Johnson. In the past few days though, it’s been getting ridiculous. Tila dented her head over the weekend after falling out of her chair. Her “publicist” said she wouldn’t be on Twitter for a while. I guessed she’d be out 36 hours and I was sort of right.

Now she’s tweeting about having sharp pains in her stomach. She forgot she was pregnant, so, uh oh, now there might be a miscarriage.

- I just woke up in the middle of the night cuz im having these intense sharp pains in my belly. it hurts so much that Im crying wtf

- The hospital says if it gets worse I need to go back and see them but how?? I have to go to Australia today…. it hurts so bad! =(

- Im gonna go see my private doc as soon as their office opens in about 2 hours. I hate hospitals but it feels like sharp stabbing in my belly

- It hurts so bad I literally woke up from my sleep….i dont know whats wrong? God this pain is too much!! I cant bare it =(

- Something is definitely wrong. The hospital gave me a list of symptoms & this is one of them. They said if I do I need 2 go back 2 hospital

- I would just die die die die if something is wrong……but my doctor’s office doesnt open for another 2 hours & I dont wanna call ambulance

- God i hope nothing is wrong. Im literally crying right now cuz I can barely move. its like sharp knife stabbing pains thats unbearable =(

- I told my friend I would just kill myself if anything ever happened….bad….cuz thats the only thing I live & work hard for.

- I REFUSE to go to the hospital. I did last time and look what happened? Media EXPLOITS all of my pains and serious accidents. NOT OK

If you read that, you’d see 1) Tila is having sharp pains in her stomach, 2) “pregnant”, 3) doesn’t want to call an ambulance and instead will choose to wait until her private doctor’s office is open.

- But if she loses her baby, she’ll probably kill herself, but she won’t because she’ll find new joy in the baby she’s adopting from Russia.

- ATTENTION EVERYONE! I have been APPROVED to adopt my own baby boy 2-3 years old from RUSSIA!!!! I will be his Mommy by the end of the year!!

- IM SO BLESSED! IN SECRET, I’VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS ADOPTION FOR A LONG TIME!! WITHIN THE NEXT MONTH OR 2 I CAN VISIT MY BABY BOY IN RUSSIA!

- Im so happy! My Son Jayden is waiting 4 me in Russia! Im going there for 21 days to spend time with him & love him so he knows im his mommy!

Tila Tequila is nuts. And there’s no way any country would approve Tila for adoption. That’s like putting an orphan on death row. And if she ever did have a baby, rest assured in two months she’ll be tweeting about how an eagle flew from the sky and wrenched her child from her loving arms. Of course, she’ll just be saying that to cover up the fact she left the kid on the hood of her car, drove off and when she came back to search for it, the baby was gone. Probably because it crawled away to somewhere safer like into a den of hungry lions.