If you’re a guy and you’d like to get married, just date Jessica Simpson because she’s some sort of marriage charm. Nick Lachey became engaged to Vanessa Minnillo a while ago and on Thursday Tony Romo and Candice Crawford, sister of Chace Crawford, also got engaged.

Tony popped the question during his 30th birthday party at Five Sixty restaurant in Dallas. A photo of the ring can be seen here.

With Jessica Simpson’s luck, their wedding will be two days after hers and will steal the spotlight because it’ll be much fancier than Jessica’s Colonel Sanders themed wedding.

Jessica Simpson is upset to hear Tony Romo has sacked another blonde. Get it? Sacked. I’m athletic and such. I don’t write about the intimate details of a celebrity’s life from my parent’s basement at all. I’m out living the athletic dream with sports stats and kangol hats.

Us Magazine reports Tony Romo is currently doing Chace Crawford’s little sister, Candice, who is also known as Miss Missouri 2008. Jessica has every right to be upset as she was formerly known as Miss Stuff-Myself-Into-Mom-Pants-After-Deep-Fried-Snickers-Binges of 2008. Sadly, her crown has been taken by Mischa Barton for 2009.

To add insult to injury, Us Magazine politely words that Tony and Candice’s genitals are just canoodling.

“They’re not officially dating, but they are having an intimate relationship.”

Jessica couldn’t bear the thought of Tony with another woman. That is, until visions of melted chocolate ice cream sandwich crumbs smeared over the crevices of her cellulite with spilled twinkie cream filling covering her naturally Restalyne-filled lips entered her mind. When asked for comment of Tony’s newest relationship, she simply replied “foondduuueeee”.

Jessica Simpson recently admitted to Glamour magazine of her lifelong struggle with her fluctuating weight. As a child, she would write in her journal, “I’m lying here and all I can think about is that my stomach is hanging over my underwear.” That’s funny, as many children today have written that exact same thing about her in their own journals.

She credits Romo with helping her come to terms with her evident fall to excessive amounts of baby back ribs and cupcakes. With Romo, she describes, “you can just relax and feel beautiful.” She went on to say, “If this article comes out and we’re not together, I’d still love [Tony], and he’d still be a huge part of who I am today.” One can’t help but notice she makes no mention of the double bacon Whopper stuffed with fries and dipped in strawberry milkshake also being a huge part of who she is today.

Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson earlier this month before her 29th birthday, but that seems way less of dick move than when he brought 22-year-old Natalie Smith, a Simpson look-a-like he was supposedly flirting with, to Jessica’s concert on Feb. 6. NYDN calls it an emotional affair so the description is just as gay as Tony Romo. Now the two would hook-up whenever Romo comes to town.

“They’ve always flirted and texted each other,” a source said. “They had phone conversations one to two months before the breakup.”

But it gets worse: After the concert, where Simpson gushed to the audience that Romo was “the man who loves me,” the 29-year-old athlete took the sexy Smith backstage and introduced her to Simpson.

“We hung out for, like, 10 to 15 minutes, backstage,” Smith said. “She was cool and nice.”

So Romo was banging chicks on the side and now he’s banging chicks freely without having to worry about a jealous Jessica Simpson watching his every move. Meanwhile, the only thing Jessica is making out with is a dog. Literally. I think she can do better. Maybe with a nice, down to earth German Shepherd. Why settle?

Tony Romo doesn’t joke around when he dumps his girlfriends. After cutting Jessica Simpson loose, Romo told security at his gated community to keep Jessica out. Although, the sign posted at the entrance was ambiguous about that fact. It read: “RED ALERT!!! TONY ROMO HAS MADE SOME CHANGES TO HIS LIST OF PEOPLE ALLOWED IN….JESSICA IS NO LONGER ON THE LIST AND NOT APPROVED FOR ACCESS.”

Wow. That’s a little harsh. Sounds like he expects Jessica to crawl back on her hands and knees to beg at his door or stand outside his gate with a boombox over her head. I’m surprised Romo didn’t sic the dogs on Jessica. Like she’d be stomping out with her box and Romo would cup his ear and say, “What was that? Geez. Stop groveling Jessica.” Jessica, still walking away, would go “Huh?,” and Romo would shout, “Argh. I can’t take you smothering me anymore! Release the hounds!”

I will admit that if Jessica was staring through my window like she is in the banner photo, I’d be a little freaked out.

Tony Romo knows that if you’re going to dump someone, you best do it when your significant other is at their most vulnerable or before they force you into doing something super embarrassing. That’s why Romo broke it off with Jessica Simpson on Thursday, a day before her 29th birthday.

Jessica was planning a Barbie and Ken themed birthday party, but she had to cancel it. She wrote on her Twitter: “Barbie party didn’t happen, but I turned 29 and feel like I am on top of the world yelling I LOVE GETTING OLDER!”

Sources say their busy work schedules are to blame. Although, I think a lot of the blame lies with this ridiculous Barbie/Ken party. If some girl said this to me, I’d stare at her in disbelief, turn around, walk away, change my number and never come back. I mean, if a girl would actually talk to me, that’s what I would do.

Joe Simpson, the creepy obsessive dad of Jessica, thinks that Tony Romo is distracting Jessica from her career and wants her to break it off with him. Of course, this glances over the fact that no one wants to listen to Jessica’s dumb music or watch her equally dumb movies and puts the blame squarely on her boyfriend for her failing career.

Face it. The only way Jessica is going to be relevant again is if she bounces naked on a trampoline or she gets fat and then skinny again. Barring that, Joe’s out of luck. Anyway, he’s probably just mad Jessica brings Romo to her photo shoots instead of him. Those tits are really fantastic, you know. Especially when they “accidentally” slip out of her dress which oddly enough, happened all the time when Joe was there.

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo headed to the Waverly Inn on Valentine’s day and words cannot describe how kick-ass her rack was. The crazy thing was her earrings were almost as big as her boobs. You could light them on fire and train a dolphin to jump through them.

The Simpsons might be smarter than they look and sound. Ever since Jessica showed up with that spare tire, stories about her have been springing up left and right. One of the many is from Star. They say that Jessica’s boyfriend, Tony Romo, cheated on her in her own house while she was out of town.

Star gossips that Tony hit up an invite-only party at My House with Stephen Colletti from Laguna Beach and the midget from Entourage. Romo decided to have an after-party “back at [his] place,” which everyone found out was really Jessica Simpson’s place.

Amid Jessica’s gold albums, the party raged on downstairs. But on the second floor, Tony was enjoying his own private party — with a long haired, olive-skinned cutie.

“Everyone was talking about it downstairs,” dishes the source. “The girls were saying it was so wrong and shady of Tony to cheat on Jessica — especially in her place! I just can’t believe he would hook up with another woman at his own girlfriend’s house.”

Jessica must have been pissed after she read this. What a violation of trust. The first words out of her mouth probably were, “I hope you hid my M&M’s!”

Jessica Simpson has become known as the living curse for the Dallas Cowboys. So, imagine how thrilled Cowboys fans will be to know that Tony Romo and Jessica have been shopping for diamond rings and are looking to do a winter wedding. Is that the sound of shivs sharpening? Still, there’s a bright side. The Sun-Times says the wedding won’t be until after the end of the NFL season, including the Super Bowl if they make it. That’s something, right? Guys? Where are you going with those torches?

Us Magazine says Joe Simpson asked Tony Romo to drop his agent and let him handle his NFL career and $67.5 million contract. He even told Romo he would manufacture their engagement and wedding in order to sell it to magazines just like he did for Ashlee if him and Jessica ever decided to marry. Apparently, this wasn’t proper etiquette and offended Tony Romo’s sensibilities which was one of the reasons for the almost break-up. The other reason is Jessica drinks way too much. I don’t see how a hot chick with big boobs being really drunk is a problem, but okay. When Us asked Joe for comment, Joe said:

“It’s unfair to criticize me for what every manager does for his or her clients. And in this business, where people can quickly turn on you, who better than a parent to be working for his children?”

The one good thing to come from this is that when Jessica Simpson turns 40 and we find her living in a trailer park eating TV dinners, at least we’ll know where it all went wrong. Some celebrities don’t even have that comfort.

An old college buddy of Tony Romo told the Chicago Sun-Times that Tony’s breakup with Jessica Simpson was caused by a combination of not wanting to deal with the intense media scrutiny that comes with being Jessica’s boyfriend and being freaked out by Jessica’s dad Joe who started offering unsolicited career advice. Not mentioned is Tony feeling uncomfortable whenever Joe gave him his come hither eyes.

In addition, Romo’s friend said the talented QB has been put off by the intrusive style of Joe Simpson, who’s been ”not only telling Jessica every move to make, but now has begun to offer unsolicited advice to Tony on his career, endorsement opportunities and things that have nothing to do with him dating Jessica.”

Furthermore, Romo reportedly was very upset by Simpson’s interview in Glamour magazine where she referred to Romo as her ”future husband” and other on-the-record interviews she has given, saying she wants Romo to be the father to her children.

Furthermore, Us Weekly reports that even though Jessica and Tony are done, Joe is begging Tony to accompany Jessica tomorrow to Ashlee’s wedding. Romo seems to have relented and is flying into L.A. this weekend.

Meanwhile, Ashlee’s house is currently being set up with white tents for Saturday’s nuptials. Pete Wentz is said to be ecstatic with his choice of floral arrangements and has stated that the coconut wedding cake is “to die for.” Pete then merrily skipped away to double check the seating arrangements. What a gaywad.

TheseBootsAreMadeForStalking (creepy) is reporting that Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson have broken up. The Dallas Cowboys quarterback was seen partying with his college buddies over the weekend where he declared his relationship with Jessica to be over.

“They’re broken up,” according to a pal of the Dallas Cowboys quarterback. “He told us they broke up and that was that. We’re guys so we didn’t talk about it much.”

“[Tony was] having a blast playing Pop-A-Shot mini golf and bags,” according to a source. “He was with some football college buddies and drinking Grey Goose and Diet Cokes.”

Clearly enjoying the single life, Tony made his way to Manor nightclub where he was mobbed by girls.

“He was surrounded by girls,” according to an eyewitness. “We had to restrain some who forcibly tried to make their way to his table.”

Gosh, isn’t it awful? I know all too well about being mobbed by throngs of women. Like, yesterday, I was sitting in the park and this hot girl was walking straight towards me and then we were face to face, our lips inches away from each other, and then she walked straight past me. I almost grazed her arm! So close.