If you didn’t know, Tracy Morgan is fat, suffers from diabetes and got a kidney transplant two years ago. He also loves drugs and alcohol and is slightly insane. With all that going on, it’s not that big of a surprise when reports say he collapsed at Sundance. A spokeswoman for Park City Medical Center says no drugs or alcohol were found in his system confirming that Tracy Morgan is just way out of shape.

His rep, Lewis Kay, released this statement: “From a combination of exhaustion and altitude, Tracy is seeking medical attention. He is with his fiancée and grateful to the Park City Medical Center for their care. Any reports of Tracy consuming alcohol are 100% false.”

Tracy tweeted, “Superman ran into a little kryptonite. The high altitude in Utah shook up this kid from Brooklyn.”

Really? You’re in Utah, not climbing Mt. Everest. I’m surprised Tracy doesn’t need an oxygen tank every time he walks up a flight of stairs. But if he did, there’s no doubt the tank would be filled with ethanol and bacon.

Because GLAAD and other gay defamation leagues went after Tracy Morgan for a bit he did in a stand up routine, the gays are off limits for Tracy, so, he’s resigned to joking about the next best thing. Retards. Cue the pitchforks from the retard defamation league.

During two hourlong sets on Saturday, Mr. Morgan did not repeat the bit that had gotten him in trouble, though his mind certainly went anywhere else that allowed him to imitate a bedroom or bathroom noise. He also made obviously facetious claims, saying he had been the assassin of Osama bin Laden, and variously describing himself as single, in a relationship, married and divorced. (He’s engaged with three sons from a previous marriage.)

Then, just before midnight, Mr. Morgan said he had something going through his mind “that I can’t share with y’all.” Though the audience goaded him to continue, Mr. Morgan said, “I can’t. I just got out of controversy, man. This is diabolical.”

After another brief flirtation with a woman in the crowd, Mr. Morgan turned sincere. “I love you all so much,” he said, “did I tell you that tonight? I’ve been in trouble lately, and this was big for me that you all came out.”

Whatever he had been accused of, Mr. Morgan said, “I don’t have that in me. I believe gay, straight, anybody, everybody’s supposed to be happy in this world, man.”

Resuming his routine, Mr. Morgan warned his audience, “Don’t ever mess with women who have retarded kids.” As groans and cries of “Uh-oh” were heard, he continued, “Them young retarded males is strong. They’re strong like chimps.”

Finally, he concluded with a bit about his alleged teenage romance with a girl he described as “a cripple” with a prosthetic arm, a mechanical larynx and a portable dialysis machine. [NYT]

Then again, I don’t see how this is insulting to retards. He’s complimenting them, saying that behind the unassuming facade is a man with retard strength. He’s practically comparing them to Batman. If Batman wore a bike helmet and ate paste, I mean.

GLAAD President Jarrett Barrios slammed Tracy Morgan’s “anti-gay tirade” he performed during a stand up routine in Nashville last week.

“Tracy Morgan’s management needs to investigate these allegations and should they prove true, we call on him to remove these violently anti-gay remarks from his show and send a strong message that anti-gay violence is not something to joke about,”

“Hateful remarks that mock youth suicides and the very real emotional and sometimes physical bullying LGBT kids face on a daily basis have no place in a comedy routine,” saidHRC vice president of communications, Fred Sainz. “I’m shocked that Tracy Morgan would find humor in so viciously attacking our youth. If these allegations are true, Tracy Morgan must immediately accept responsibility and apologize. His employer, NBC Universal, also must come forward and condemn these atrocious comments.”

Shortly after, Tracy Morgan kowtowed and released an apology.

“I want to apologize to my fans and the gay & lesbian community for my choice of words at my recent stand-up act in Nashville,” he said. “I’m not a hateful person and don’t condone any kind of violence against others. While I am an equal opportunity jokester, and my friends know what is in my heart, even in a comedy club this clearly went too far and was not funny in any context,” added Morgan.

Hey, good win for GLAAD. But then again, if every anti-defamation group got their way, the only jokes we’d hear would be about airplane food and Jennifer Aniston being a lonely spinster. Come on. Face it. She’s not getting married any time soon.

Tracy Morgan did some stand up in Nashville last week at Ryman Auditorium and went into a “joke” about gays. Notably, he said, “Gays need to quit being pussies and no be whining about something as insignificant as bullying.” He then explained how “media and programming” turned people gay. Also, he threatened that if his son ever was gay and talked to him in a gay voice, he’d stab the “ni**er to death.” Okay, so far this seems pretty sane. Here’s a recap from Kevin Johnson via Dlisted.

The show was your typical hysterical dick, cum and pussy humor… I have to say it was hilarious and well worth at least 40% of the $86 we spent per ticket to see him. I figured at some point the gay jokes would fly and I’m well prepared for a good ribbing of straight gay humor. I have very thick skin when it comes to humor; I can dish and I can take. What I can’t take is when Mr. Morgan took it upon himself to mention about how he feels all this gay shit was crazy and that women are a gift from God and that “Born this Way” is bullshit, gay is a choice, and the reason he knows this is exactly because “God don’t make no mistakes” (referring to God not making someone gay cause that would be a mistake). He said that there is no way a woman could love and have sexual desire for another woman, that’s just a woman pretending because she hates a fucking man. He took time to visit the bullshit of this bullying stuff and informed us that the gays needed to quit being pussies and not be whining about something as insignificant as bullying. He mentioned that gay was something kids learn from the media and programming, and that bullied kids should just bust some ass and beat those other little fuckers that bully them, not whine about it. He said if his son that was gay he better come home and talk to him like a man and not [he mimicked a gay, high pitched voice] or he would pull out a knife and stab that little N (one word I refuse to use) to death. He mentioned that Barack Obama needed to man up and quit being all down with this just because he has a wife and two daughters. All of this being followed by thunderous cheer and “You go Tracys”. Tracy then said he didn’t fucking care if he pissed off some gays, because if they can take a fucking dick up their ass… they can take a fucking joke.

On one hand, Tracy Morgan is a comedian and comedians are supposed to be given a lot of leeway because their comedy is at times meant to shock and offend. Even if they mean every word they say. This is partially because no one takes comics seriously when they’re on stage.

On the other hand, there are numerous reports (here’s one) about how terrible Tracy’s stand up is. Maybe Tracy thinks making fans walk out is a sign of good comedy. Or maybe his plan is to make every single person walk out so he can stop his act early and make an easy $86 per head.

But just in case, his son might want to make sure all the knives in the house are rubberized. Not just for his own safety, but also because it’d be f**king hilarious watching Tracy Morgan get increasingly frustrated trying to slice his PB&J.

Tracy Morgan was on Inside the NBA last week where the hosts gave him a mic and he ended up telling everyone on live tv that Sarah Palin is good masturbation material.

Looks like other networks caught on realizing this would be a good way to make their video go viral. Hence, on the red carpet of the SAG Awards last night, E! interviewed Tracy Morgan and put a mic in front of his face. He was behaving depressingly normal and then, like magic, Tracy Morgan starting shouting, “Peace! Peace!,” before calling Sarah Palin “the hottest MILF in the world.”

If he keeps going on like this, Sarah Palin better consider filing a restraining order. Or get engaged to him like Katy Perry did to Russell Brand. Apparently publicly declaring you’re stalking a girl is very endearing.

Side note: Did he say “doner my kidney to me”? Silly man. It’s “donering!”

Last night on Inside the NBA which aired live from Madison Square Garden, co-host Kevin Smith asked Tracy Morgan to settle an argument between him and Charles Barkley: Tina Fey or Sarah Palin? Just so we’re clear, this is Tracy Morgan from 30 Rock and this wasn’t a question about politics.

Okay. Now that that’s settled. Tracy said, “Yo, let me tell you something about Sarah Palin. She’s good masturbation material.” At which point, humorless execs at TNT had a massive coronary.

TNT has since released a statement apologizing for the remark. “It’s unfortunate Mr. Morgan showed a lack of judgment on our air with his inappropriate comments. We apologize for any embarrassment or offense it may have caused.”

In Tracy’s defense, it was really their fault for even handing him a microphone. There are two things you don’t do in life. Play hot potato with an armed grenade and give Tracy Morgan a microphone during a live broadcast.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdmYAYBgDIo&feature=player_embedded

Tracy Morgan was diagnosed with diabetes in 1996 but told Time he didn’t take the disease seriously until he almost lost his foot. Now he takes his insulin every day.

But then again, that’s what he said to Time in 2009. Things may have gotten worse because on December 10, he underwent a kidney transplant.

Tracy’s rep said in a statement, “Tracy is doing well and taking some much needed time to recover after the surgery. He is looking forward to going back to work after the holidays.”

He’ll likely miss two to three episodes of 30 Rock which people are making out to be a big deal. But it’s not. I miss 30 Rock more than that. Every week, actually.

It’s a sad day for Tracy Morgan when he has to take his crazy cues from Hugh Jackman’s 4-year-old daughter Ava. Here’s Tracy at the premiere of Cop Out jacking Ava’s move and making it less awesome. Why can’t he be more original? Maybe a few awkward fist pumps will do the trick. Everyone loves laughing at a 41-year-old’s misguided attempt at looking cool.

[New York, February 22. Images via INF.]

At a Friday night performance at Carnegie Hall, Tracy Morgan’s set caused many to leave the venue shaking their jowls in disgust. They were expecting the whimsical Morgan on 30 Rock that they’ve all come to love. What they got were less jokes about computers plotting his demise and more about homosexuality and sex acts. NYDN says,

“People seemed to not be laughing at his jokes, but more because they were shocked and appalled with what was coming out of his mouth,” reports one audience member. Morgan talked trash about homosexuality (saying it’s “a choice,” which drew gasps), drugs, pornography and what he calls “politricks” — far edgier subjects than what his alter ego, Jordan, gets air time for.

“There was a continuous flow of people getting up and leaving throughout the show,” our spy reports, adding that many in the crowd clearly didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. Middle-aged women were the most flabbergasted when he started mimicking explicit sex acts on stage.

Some of the controversial jabs he made included a set about the First Family.

“Obama is really changing the White House, because he and Michelle will have the first presidential sex tape out,” he said to a stunned crowd.

Morgan did better at his second try on politics, saying he wouldn’t vote for Mayor Bloomberg because all he does is go to Yankee games — a gag that seemed to at least draw a hoot from the crowd.

Today’s society is humorless. It’s come to the point that people are offended by the smallest of things. A joke about pickles could set off a million man march in Washington. Comedians like Richard Pryor would have been a leper if he did his routine today. That’s not to say Tracy Morgan is comparable to Richard Pryor by any stretch of the imagination. Just that people should quit causing trouble and go back to playing their hacky sack or whatever it is whiny hippies do in their spare time besides complain about things that they think offend other people.

[Midtown, NYC, August 26. Image via Splash News]

In a case of life imitating art, Tracy Morgan who plays Tracy Jordan on 30 Rock blamed a malfunctioning fish tank light for setting fire to his Manhattan Trump Plaza apartment on Wednesday morning. The shark and piranha in his tank were uninjured. The accidental blaze set off sprinklers which flooded Sherri Shepherd’s apartment. Shepherd coincidentally plays Tracy’s wife on the show.

“My thanks to the New York Fire Department for their quick action,” Morgan, 40, said in a statement after the smoke had cleared. “Fortunately, the fire did not spread and no one in the building was hurt. Even the fish are okay.”

This is why I don’t have fish anymore. They’re always up to something. Every day swimming around in their tank watching me. Then one night when you’re gone they set fire to your apartment or stuff a dead hooker into the back of your car. Of course, the judge doesn’t believe you when you tell him this. But, look at Tracy Morgan. It happened to him, sort of. Who’s the mentally unstable one now gavel-man?!

30 Rock cast member, Tracy Morgan, showed up at The Plumm and almost immediately lost his credit card, ripped off his shirt, started dancing on a banquette and asked a waitress if he could father her baby. Page Six says,

He thought he’d lost his credit card, and staffers were searching for it.” Morgan “finally admitted to his waitress that he’d found it in his pocket – right before asking her if he could father her baby.”

The last time I tried this, I got tasered. I think. My memory is a little hazy. All I remember is I told the bouncer, “Don’t tase me, bro!,” and chuckled to myself. Next thing I know I was convulsing on the floor with two barbs sticking out of my chest. Apparently, that ape of a doorman wasn’t up to date with his pop-culture references. Had he been, he might have found it amusing and not sent 500 volts through my body.

For some reason this guy really loves taking off his shirt.