As first spotted by Yeeeah, Tyra Banks showed up at the Do Something Awards last weekend  in an ugly pink and blue outfit sporting a faint mustache. It’s not that noticeable unless you stare directly at it or zoom in 400% on it. Which I did. You’re welcome.

As previously mentioned, Sunday night was the Teen Choice Awards. Attendees also included Rachel Bilson, Lucy Hale, Blake Lively, Nina Dobrev, Jojo and Tyra Banks who has as much to do with teens as Richard Simmons does with exercise.

Tyra Banks used to be a supermodel but then she quit and got her own talk show and model search show. That meant instead of staying in shape and walking on a runway, she sat on her ass all day and judged people. So it’s no surprise her hips look like Jennifer Love Hewitt’s now. What is a surprise though is that she also moonlights as a crotch inspector.

On the Piers Morgan Tonight show, Tyra Banks intimated that she and her boyfriend John Utendahl may be trying for a baby. Speaking to Piers, Tyra said, “I definitely want babies.”

Asked if she was trying to get pregnant, she was a little more cryptic replying, “Yeah, maybe.” Although, she has no plans on marrying before having a baby explaining, “I don’t think it’s necessarily necessary.” You know what I don’t think is necessarily necessary? Saying something is necessarily necessary.

Tyra went on to say that when the time comes, she’d most definitely be up for a little nip and tuck. However, she denied ever having been under the knife before alluding to the rumors that she had breast implants when she was in her 20′s.

“Everyone said I had breast implants and I don’t blame you. On the cover of these magazines, I was very young, I was 23, 24, 25, and they were up there, like, ‘Bam!’ They pretty much looked fake. I’ll admit that they did look fake, but they weren’t. And my mom was like, ‘They have no idea that you’re just busty,’ but cut to years later, they’re still thinking that because I’m wearing these gorgeous push up bras.”

She should have just said “haters gonna hate” and asked Piers to squeeze them and tell her if they were real or not. I think it’d make his show less sucky and less likely to be canceled. Actually, he should have done it without any prompting. That’s what I do at bars. I think women need to know how real their breasts feel and I’m just the man for the job. No, no. No need to toast me, ladies. Put down that glass of alcohol.

You probably can’t tell but fashion icon Tyra Banks made her own costume for Vogue’s 90th Anniversary Party in Paris. She pulled her hair back exposing her fivehead and slapped a netted mask made from “cheap FISHNET stockings I got n crazy store n Paris!” over her head. Lady Gaga remains unimpressed.

It’s been fun, but Tyra Banks is ending The Tyra Show and leaving all those fatasses without a voice to assure them that they can be content being fatasses. This will be her fifth and last season. “I’ve been loving having fun, coming into your living rooms, bedrooms, hair salons for the past 5 years.” Tyra will now focus on producing projects which bring “positive images of women to the big screen” in what will probably be made for Lifetime movies.

Tyra has left us with a void. Who will we ridicule so badly that they are forced to stomp out on TV in a bikini and tearfully exclaim that the haters can kiss their fatass and only months later, actively diet down to a much smaller size? Who will trick their viewers like that and leave them regretting that they just shoveled a dozen powdered donuts into their sad mouths? Who I ask?

Tyra Banks got back into shape thanks to her nutritionist re-evaluating her diet and having her keep a food diary. This, of course, was the perfect moment for Tyra to tie in additional information on her favorite subject: herself. Tyra revealed she suffered from major stomach aches for years, but the aches have since ceased thanks to her new diet. PEOPLE reports,

“I would get major attacks. I would be in bed for days, it was so painful. I switched up my unhealthy eating habits for healthier eating habits, and I haven’t had a tummy attack since December ’08.”

Yet another example of celebrities taking unnecessary measures and throwing away money on an imaginary illness. Tyra could’ve solved her problem years ago by taking a simple trip to the bathroom. I know, I know you can walk a horse to the water but that doesn’t mean she’ll drop a deuce. That’s how that saying goes, right?

Tyra Banks dressed up as Kim Kardashian on her show on Wednesday for Halloween because there’s nothing scarier than a fame whore whose sisters have taken away all the attention. Tyra posed sandwiched between appropriately sized cutouts of Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian. Everyone had a good laugh at the Kardashians’ expense. Khloe was none too pleased though. Wasn’t there a mention of sandwich somewhere? Where is that? Don’t tease her!

A casting call for Tyra Banks’ America’s Next Top Model turned into utter chaos on Saturday leaving six women injured and two women and one man charged with inciting a riot. Models, all under 5’7”, were lined up overnight in order to get a crack at being on the show next season when someone saw an overheating car and yelled, “There’s a bomb!” NYDN describes:

Soon after, a black BMW with smoke pouring out of its hood pulled up in the street near the line, sending the sea of underdressed women scrambling to get away.

“The metal barricade fell down,” said Kiara McCarthy, 19, of Levittown, L.I. “All of a sudden we heard this roar from behind us and we looked behind us and there’s a wave of people falling on top of us.”

Gabrielle Rose, 25, said several women started crying out in pain.

“We all fell on top of each other,” said Rose, of Scranton, Pa. “People were squished against the wall, screaming, ‘I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe!’ “

Before that, it was an all around sexy day. Aspiring models were told that they would lose their spot if they stepped out of line. One hopeful said she had to pee in a cup and change her clothes in the street. Other women started fainting from being pressed up against the wall.

Man, this story has everything. Hot women under 5’7”, nudity, models fainting without being drugged and a stampede of sexy ladies. If they had all been running in the direction of my house, this would have been the greatest story every told.

Tyra Banks had models doing a homeless photo shoot on America’s Next Top Model yesterday and it hit pretty close to home. You know because Tyra pretended she was homeless for a day. I’m sure in between breaks of being homeless she was fed $50 lunches flown in from France, but whatever. Tyra knows what it’s like to live in filth. See that doorag she was wearing while begging for change? I think it cost $10 from Mervyn’s. Mervyn’s?! Ick!

I’m not sure what’s going on here, but if Tyra Banks is involved, I bet it has to do with something boring and/or useless. Like women’s rights.

Fabian Basabe, who’s blog hurts my eyes (paragraphs, man), wrote yesterday that former supermodel Tyra Banks pooped her pants at Fashion Week. Basabe was working an interview in the tents when Tyra’s entourage kicked him out claiming “Tyra Banks messed herself and needed to change.” Supposedly, this happens quite often because Tyra already had a spare set of clothes around.

That’s disappointing. Now she’s not only a fat ass, but her bowels will empty themselves at moments notice. Sleeping with her must be fun. Imagine banging her after a big dinner only to have your bed turn into a brown slip and slide before climax? I know I can. It’s getting me all hot and bothered. All this of course makes the video up top even more disturbing.

Earlier, there were reports that at a private party, Tyra Banks said Britney should kill herself.

“[Britney] should just go ahead and kill herself after the album and go out like Marilyn [Monroe], very grand. She should have done it after the last album.”

Tyra issued a press release saying this was completely false and she would never tell Britney to kill herself,

“Britney is a friend and we correspond with each other. These alleged statements are completely false.”

Later, Tyra was heard muttering, “No, she shouldn’t kill herself. The next time that bitch takes the last McChicken I’ll kill her myself.”