Early reviews are filtering in for Tom Cruise’s Oscar-hopeful Valkryie and it isn’t looking good. The Bryan Singer directed thriller has been flayed by early viewers who say the film is nothing like a thriller and describes it as “…a bunch of white guys in Nazi uniforms. It’s too bad. And Tom doesn’t speak with a German accent — though they did add a voiceover of him speaking German to the beginning of the film. Still, it’s as if he could say ‘I complete you’ at any time. This is not his Oscar moment.”

Not only that, reviews note “Cruise’s performance elicits uncomfortable and inappropriate laughs.” For example:

A scene where Cruise’s character, Claus Von Stauffenberg, is forced to give the infamous “Heil Hitler” salute. “It’s an unsettling scene but you almost start to laugh,” the source says. “His character is resisting it but you never forget it’s Tom Cruise saying ‘Heil Hitler.’ It’s funny and shocking at the same time.”

Regarding a scene where Cruise removes a false eye, another source adds:

“It was disgusting,” said one person who saw the film. “It was like watching someone pluck their contacts out.”

That one sounds nitpicky. From what’s described, the scene sounds awesome and metaphorical. The fake eye represents John Travolta’s sex toy and the eye socket is Tom Cruise’s anus. Or have I completely read too much into it and it’s just a random scene included for shock value?

The trailer for Tom Cruise’s Valkryie debuted yesterday at midnight. You can see Tom in his epic glory, playing Col. Claus von Stauffenberg, who speaks perfect English while everyone else has a German accent, hunting the most dangerous game of all: Man. Specifically, Hitler. It may sound a lot harder than hunting the homeless like me, but people don’t realize how fast those guys run. Especially if they’re being chased by a man with a bow and arrow, wearing only a loin cloth and war paint. Oh and I don’t want to spoil the movie for you, but their plan to take out Hitler fails.