Victoria’s Secret Angel Kylie Bisutti, at 19, beat out hundreds of other hopefuls in Victoria’s Secret Model Search in 2009 to earn her wings. Now she’s quitting after 3 years because she thinks her Christian beliefs only allow her husband to watch her flaunt her body. What a selfish b*tch.

“It was pretty crazy because I finally achieved my biggest dream, the dream that I always wanted, but when I finally got it, it wasn’t all that I thought it would be. Victoria’s Secret was my absolutely biggest goal in life, and it was all I ever wanted career-wise. I actually loved it while I was there, it was so much fun and I had a blast. But the more I was modeling lingerie – and lingerie isn’t clothing – I just started becoming more uncomfortable with it because of my faith. I’m Christian, and reading the Bible more, I was becoming more convicted about it.”

“For all of you that were looking for me in the Victoria’s Secret runway show this year, I wasn’t in it. I have decided not to model lingerie because I personally feel that I am not honoring God or my husband by doing it. My marriage is very important & with divorce rates rising I want to do everything I can to protect my marriage and be respectful to my husband. God graciously gave me this marriage and this life and my desire is to live a Godly faithful life, I don’t however judge others for what they do. Everyone is convicted on different levels.”

“My goal is just to be a better role model for the youth. I just want them to see me as somebody that they can look up to and somebody that’s going to be dressing appropriately and I’m not going to get into things that I wouldn’t want them to be getting into. I want to go over the top because I don’t think enough people go over the top about how serious all this is. I just want people to see something different about me because I have that faith and I think it’s so important for everyone to have.”

My bet is on the husband who got jealous after dudes started hitting on her in front of him while she just flirted back. Regardless, you can add this to the list of “Things the Bible Ruined.” First it was gay rights, then sex before marriage and now it’s watching a hot 20-something walk around in front of a bunch of guys wearing nothing but bra and panties. What’s next? Bacon?!

Last week it was Adriana Lima modeling in a bikini for Victoria’s Secret, this week it’s Candice Swanepoel. They’re slowly moving up the chain of models. “Yes, yes. The collection is almost complete,” I whispered to no one in particular at Starbucks.

Here’s Adriana Lima backstage dancing in her wonder bra at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show last year. She really is an angel. I don’t care what her husband says, she’s not ugly or sexless.

Heh heh heh. And thus the seed that will drive Adriana into my arms has been planted.

Victoria’s Secret model Lily Aldridge did a bikini photoshoot in St. Barths on Sunday. Lily recently got engaged to Kings of Leon’s Caleb Followill. Ugh. This promising post somehow filled me with hate and rage.

Michael Bay, director of explosion heavy blockbusters such as Armageddon and Transformers, directed the Victoria’s Secret holiday commercial. It’s very Michael Bayish. From the frenetic rock music to the hot chicks writhing around in lingerie to the ADD pacing. Then there’s the random white horses that appear out of nowhere. Christ. Even his commercials are full of plot holes.

One thing that’s missing though is a single explosion. Doesn’t Bay get off on those? Is he feeling alright?

Candice Swanepoel, Erin Heatherton and Chanel Iman were on hand to launch the Incredible Bra at the Victoria’s Secret SoHo store. Their outfits looked inspired by the Jetsons. Cool… I guess. No points for originality but massive points for making my childhood really erotic.

This was labeled as some sort of behind the scenes Victoria’s Secret bikini shoot featuring Marisa Miller, Alessadra Ambrosio, Adriana Lima and Karolina Kurkova. But I think we all know what’s really going on here. My fantasies have finally materialized! And once again, I’m on the outside looking in. Just like in my dreams. :(

More hotness after the jump.

Newest Victoria’s Secret Angel Doutzen Kroes went to NY for a secret Victoria’s Show Fitting. In related news. Victoria’s Secret gave me the wrong directions to this secret fitting. I ended up at a police station. With no models in sight. You guys got me pretty good again. But seriously, how about the real address next time?

Marisa Miller, Miranda Kerr and Heidi Klum all showed up for a Victoria’s Secret fitting in NY a few days ago. This should be a reminder for all of you to get your lotion and Kleenex and/or vibrators ready because the annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is about a month away. I don’t want to ruin anything, but I hear they’ll be in their underwear.

The August edition of UK GQ contains a feature titled “Victoria’s Secret Girls Gone Wild”. It has left me more than a little disappointed. Years of being bombarded by late night ads for Joe Francis’ Girls Gone Wild has led me to believe anything with the GGW moniker attached to it will feature either boob flashing, female masturbation, girl on girl sex or, hopefully, all of the above. This has none of those. In fact, it’s just a bunch of girls dressed funny. Some would even say it’s an underhanded attempt at showcasing women’s fashion. Have I been mistaken all these years. Does GQ really stand for Gay Quarterly and not Gentlemans Quarterly? Because then things would make a lot more sense. More after the jump.

Coming off the heels of slipping fourth quarter profits, the CEO of Victoria’s Secret, Sharon Turney, has labeled the lingerie company “too sexy” and wants to tone it down.

“We’ve so much gotten off our heritage … too sexy, and we use the word sexy a lot and really have forgotten the ultra feminine,” said Sharen Turney, Victoria’s Secret’s chief executive, in a call with industry analysts.

Victoria’s Secret was launched with the idea that Victoria was manor-born and lived in London, Turney said.

“I feel so strongly about us getting back to our heritage and really thinking in terms of ultra feminine and not just the word sexy and becoming much more relevant to our customer,” Turney said Thursday.

Nooooooooooo! What are they going to do? Put the models in old timey swimsuits and drape them in towels to model lingerie? An Elizabethan collar perhaps? That would be retarded not to mention an affront to God. I want to get a hard on when I watch the Victoria’s Secret show. I don’t want to be reaching for the remote and bashing my brains out with it.

On a somewhat related note, I found this interesting.

The chain was started in San Francisco in 1977 by Roy Raymond, who said he was embarrassed trying to buy lingerie for his wife and hoped to provide a comfortable place for men to shop.

Surprising because now whenever I walk into Victoria’s Secret alone, I feel like the women working there think I’m a perv. And I am. It’s just that I don’t want them thinking I’m a perv. Also, I’m tired of dealing with the police. Maybe the six times I walked in on girls changing were by accident. Have you ever thought about that Mr. You-have-the-right-to-remain-silent?

That should do it. Now I’m off the save the world one marshmallow at a time. As always, more under the cut.

Also check out Part 1 and Part 2 for more pictures.

I split the show up into 3 parts because WordPress is a little bitch. I hate you WordPress.

Also check out Part 1 and Part 3 for more pictures.