Casting directors held auditions in New York City for Paris’ “find me a BFF” show earlier this week. The turnout was underwhelming. Less than 40 people showed up. So what kind of retards auditioned?

“There were girls wearing matching pastel prom dresses with Swarovski crystal pendants and updos, ghetto-fabulous girls and two goth-inspired girls with bleach blonde hair, pale makeup, eyelash extensions and leather clothing.”

One hopeful was overheard saying she “totally couldn’t live in the house with Paris,” because “she would be so annoying!”

This sounds like it’s going swell. The only people who want to be Paris’ friend for a fake reality show are attention starved weirdos who don’t really want to be Paris’ friend. I think this’ll do wonders for Paris’ self-esteem. She might be overcome with such emotion that she may actually begin to sob into her hands and ask for a razor to cut herself with.