Sorry I had to ruin your Friday Thursday but Kanye West was mistaken when he suggested the Black Eyed Peas were breaking up for good at a recent performance at the Austin City Limits Music Festival in Texas. At the end of his song “All the Lights,” he shouted, “Rest in peace to the Black Eyed Peas. You’re gonna be missed.”

Though the band plans on taking a hiatus after their current world tour, will.i.am took to Twitter to assure everyone that it’s not permanent. “Maybe @kanyewest was stating the fact we will take a rest for a little bit… but we the @bep will never die…never…impossible.” That is to say, you can look forward to more auto-tuned songs repeating the same three lyrics over and over again.

I think I speak for everyone when I say, “Ffffuuuuuuuuu.”

will.i.am and his Black Eyed Peas performed Don’t Stop the Party live on French TV show Taratata and if you needed any more proof that the Black Eyed Peas are a terrible band, here it is.

Less than one minute into his performance, will.i.am had to look up the lyrics to the song on his cellphone. At one point he nervously laughed because he forgot another line.

will.i.am explained later in the interview that this was his first time singing the song so he didn’t know the lyrics. Plus, they usually have a teleprompter.

That’s amazing. Are you telling me you can’t remember 10 lines before you start singing the chorus over and over and over again? I’m surprised this guy can walk and sing into a mic at the same time without tripping over his feet. That guy from Momento has better short-term memory than will.i.am.

Terrence Howard was the first big name celebrity to profess his love for baby wipes and now Will.i.am has come out in support for baby wipes. Not to stereotype but is this a black people thing or are black people just the most vocal about it?

Elle interviewed Will.i.am and one of the questions was, if he walked into a woman’s house, what item would be a deal breaker. His answer? Condoms, wet sinks and baby wipes.

ELLE: If you walked into a woman’s house, what one item would convince you that you weren’t compatible?

W: If she had condoms in her house, that would just fuckin’ throw me off. That’s just tacky.

ELLE: Well, okay, I could see if she had a candy bowl full of them on the coffee table. But if she’s got a few in a drawer, wouldn’t that simply suggest she’s health-conscious?

W: I just think, like, if you’re into someone and you guys get to that level, then that’s something you should converse about together and say, “Hey, maybe we should get some.” Another pet peeve is wet sinks.

ELLE: Wet sinks?

W: Yeah, like a wet sink. You don’t wipe the sink after you use it? Dry it off! And if she’s got only dry toilet paper and no baby wipes next to the toilet. You ain’t got no baby wipes?

ELLE: I’ve heard about this particular deal breaker before. Why is that a big deal to you?

W: Here’s proof on why people should have baby wipes. Get some chocolate, wipe it on a wooden floor, and then try to get it up with some dry towels. You’re going to get chocolate in the cracks. That’s why you gotta get them baby wipes.

That’s it. I’m explaining the need for baby wipes to every girl in this exact way. The wet sink thing is kind of obsessive compulsive though. You might even say he’s a little anal about it. Get it? Because… hey, does anyone else hear crickets?

Following the success (?) of Lady Gaga teaming up with Polaroid to bring you those crazy glasses that debuted at CES, Intel has partnered with will.i.am making him “director of creative innovation.”

What exactly will will.i.am be creatively directing at the processor company? No one knows, not even Intel. It was just cool to hire that guy from The Black Eyed Peas. A really good get. Those fools at AMD won’t know what hit them.

As an extension of his insatiable fascination with technology, which plays a significant role in his professional and personal lives, will.i.am will engage in a multi-year, hands-on creative and technology collaboration with Intel Corporation. He already sports an Intel ID badge, which he proudly showed off at a news conference in Anaheim, where Intel is holding an internal sales and marketing conference.

“Nearly everything I do involves processors and computers, and when I see an Intel chip I think of all the creative minds involved that help to amplify my own creativity,” said will.i.am. “Teaming up with the scientists, researchers and computer programmers at Intel to collaborate and co-develop new ways to communicate, create, inform and entertain is going to be amazing.”

In his unique role, will.i.am will collaborate with Intel on many creative and technology endeavors across the “compute continuum” that may include such devices as laptops, smart phones and tablets. Complementing his visionary role as the front man for The Black Eyed Peas, will.i.am is also already working on music expressly for Intel

What will.i.am can bring to the table in terms of processors remains to be seen. Maybe he’ll program his awful music into them and Intel will tell him to introduce this new ear-raping cpu with adjectives like “dope” and “fresh” and “those other words you people use” at next year’s CES.

The Black Eyed Peas make mindless, safe music. There’s nothing edgy about them. All they do is relentlessly beat you over the head with their hooks until you have their songs stuck in your head. So pardon me if I’m not too broken up that the band may soon split.

Radar reports that Fergie can’t stand Will.i.Am’s ego and that she won’t perform on the second leg of their tour scheduled for early 2011. In fact, she may leave BEP good. Aiding in that decision is her desire to have a baby. “Things have gotten really bad with Will.i.Am. And it’s not just Fergie who is clashing with him. So is the rest of the band. His ego is out of control.” Continues the source, “I don’t know if she’ll admit or deny it when it leaks out, but I do know that it’s 100 percent true, she’s got everything planned out and she says she can’t be convinced to change her mind.”

I like the part where Radar implied the whole group would break up. Which part was your favorite?

GLAAD has made it clear to Perez Hilton that just because he’s a flaming homosexual, doesn’t mean he can sling the word “faggot” around with impunity. In a statement sent to TMZ:

“We have reached out to Hilton and asked him to apologize for promoting this anti-gay slur, and we would ask media outlets to avoid repetition of the slur in their coverage of this story.

For someone in our own community to use it to attack another person by saying that it is, quote, ‘The worst possible thing that thug would ever want to hear,’ is incredibly dangerous.

It legitimizes use of a slur that is often linked to violence against our community. And it sends a message that it is OK to attempt to dehumanize people by exploiting anti-gay attitudes.”

Of course, Perez responded by playing the victim.

“I am saddened GLAAD chose to victimize me further by criticizing me for how I non-violently dealt with a very scary situation that, unfortunately, turned violent. While I doubt I will get an apology from GLAAD, nor do I expect one, I would just hope people know how difficult it is to intellectualize a situation and think rationally when a thug disguised as a musician is screaming at your face and intimidating you. I am just very fortunate and grateful that nothing more serious happened to me.”

Perez reasons that he was merely fighting back with non-violence. By calling Will.I.Am a “fucking faggot.” Golf clap. If Ghandi were alive today, he’d probably use this as a case study in passive resistance. Little known fact: Ghandi was very fond of using the line “your mother sucks cock in hell” against racists.

In related news, DrinkTheGlitter.com has a picture of the exact instant Perez Hilton was punched in the face (up top). I use the term “punch” loosely because from the picture it looks more like a love tap. Still, Will.I.Am’s manager has been charged with assault and will have to show up at Toronoto’s Old City Hall Court on Aug. 5. It is there where I assume he’ll be awarded a medal and keys to the city.

TMZ has video of the altercation on Sunday which led to Perez Hilton twittering for his followers to call the police for him and then the next day claiming Will.I.Am and his posse beat him up.

The footage starts in the middle of the verbal showdown. Perez and Will can be heard arguing back and forth about writing stuff on his website. This goes on for a little while until Perez can clearly be heard shouting, “You’re not a fucking artist. You’re a fucking faggot.” For a guy that champions gay rights, he sure does use that term loosely.

Shortly after, chaos ensued and someone punched Perez in the face. Perez alleges Will’s manager, Polo, hit him “two or three times.”

In Will’s defense, Perez’s words hurt. Deeply. Will’s manager merely wanted to show Perez that fists hurt just as much.

Yesterday, Perez Hilton was in Toronto to present at the MuchMusic Awards. At around 12 AM, Perez started pleading for the cops on his Twitter account. He alleged that Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and his security guards just kicked his ass and drew blood.

PerezHilton: I’m in shock. I need the police ASAP. Please come to the SoHo Metropolitan Hotel now. Please.

PerezHilton: I was assaulted by Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and his security guards. I am bleeding. Please, I need to file a police report. No joke.

PerezHilton: Still waiting for the police. The bleeding has stopped. I need to document this. Please, can the police come to the SoHo Met Hotel.

PerezHilton: I spoke to my lawyer. I really need to talk to the authorities. Please come to the SoHo Met Hotel. Have called the police. Need them here.

Of course, Will.I.Am had to respond to that whiny bitch so he created his own Twitter account. He wrote:

i just made a twitter account because it isnt cool for someone to blame you and blast you with lies…

Will.I.Am even posted a video response (here) in which he denies assaulting Hilton and claims Hilton called him a “faggot” outside of the club. He ended it with: “Shame on you, shame on your behavior, and that’s just messed up.”

Jesus, Perez is annoying. Even his spastic updates calling for help are grating. You could just picture him sitting in the street posting to Twitter and wiping the tears from his phone while a bunch of people gather round to point and laugh.

Perez claims that he talked to the police and that the truth will come out. By tomorrow, expect to find out Perez that was drunk, called Will.I.Am a faggot, snortled, slipped and fell face first into a tree.