Remember when a source told JustJared that Minka Kelly and Wilmer Valderrama were definitely not dating? Turns out that source had no idea what they were talking about because friends don’t really sort of start making out while walking together. Unless I’m hanging out with the wrong friends.

Minka and Fez were photographed in Australia yesterday looking very much the couple despite reports to the contrary. It goes to show that no matter how much you say something isn’t true, doesn’t make it so. Isn’t that so Ms. “happy with her body” Christina Aguilera?

Despite earlier reports that the two were “all over each other” at a club, a source tells JustJared that Minka Kelly and Wilmer Valderrama are “definitely not a couple.” They merely have a lot of mutual friends and hang out in the same social circle jerks, er, social circles.

Oh, great. So does this mean she’s just Wilmer’s friend with benefits? That might make it even worse. How can my imaginary girlfriend do this to me? I thought we had something special. And not just that restraining order.

It seemed to be just a rumor at first that Minka Kelly and Wilmer Valderrama were together after allegedly meeting up at a club but now the relationship is pretty much confirmed after an obviously distraught onlooker says they were “all over each other” in a private booth at L.A’.s Greystone Manor. The source goes on, “They were very flirty and dancing close. They even left with each other.”

In the words of a thousand guys everywhere, “F**k you and your fantastic life, Wilmer Valderrama.”

New reports indicate Wilmer Valderrama is now parking his penis inside Minka Kelly or at least trying to. A witness at Beacher’s Madhouse on Saturday night says Wilmer exited the club to escort Kelly and her friend inside. This was “significant” because Minka could have gotten in by herself *coughpublicisspeakcough*.

Once insider Beacher’s, where Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus also spent the evening, the actor stayed by the side of Derek Jeter’s former squeeze for the entire night. The source adds, however, the pair were careful about appearing too affectionate inside the trendy club. A friend of Valderamma’s says the famous twosome “are getting to know each other” right now. NYDN

This is a little surprising because Minka Kelly is 31 which seems 13 years too old for Wilmer. This guy usually likes them young. Though maybe all those years of picking up the young ones were just practice and now he’s going pro. Which is the argument I tried using with the judge in my court case.

Demi Lovato is almost 20-years-old which is like 60 to Wilmer Valderrama. Hence, he dumped her. Lovato hinted at the breakup by tweeting a Marilyn Monroe quote. “A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love, listens but doesn’t believe, and leaves before she is left.” Minutes later she tweeted, “The smartest thing a woman can ever learn, is to never need a man.”

Wilmer couldn’t be reached for comment because he was busy waiting outside the Disney approved rehab center for another screwed up teen to bang.

Wilmer Valderrama has somehow slept with most of young Hollywood. He allegedly popped Mandy Moore’s cherry and then went on to Lindsay Lohan when she turned 18. Now that he’s older. He’s settled down. Ha, just kidding. No. These days he’s still flipping through Mickey Mouse’s yearbook and is now nailing Demi Lovato who recently checked into rehab. Lovato’s rep had no comment while Wilmer’s rep denied the relationship.

Following a breakup with Joe Jonas, Demi Lovato clung to an older actor, Wilmer Valderrama. Before the Disney star entered a facility for “emotional and physical” issues, sources said Lovato, 18, introduced pals to the “That ’70s Show” star as her boyfriend. Valderrama, 30, first connected with Lovato when they filmed a public-service spot together in Chile for earthquake relief in March, around the time she announced her relationship with Jonas. “The two started seeing each other in May right after her breakup with Jonas,” a source on the tour said. “She would show us pictures of them together.”

How does he do it? He must have a large collection of knives.

• Kelly Brook – Girls of FHM – 2007. Need I say more? [Bastardly]
• Angelina Jolie returns to Africa. [HB]
• Worst hair and makeup at the Oscars. [Celebitchy]
• The aliens are amongst us. [Ninjadude]

• John Travolta’s Oscar rug. [CityRag]
• Fun art with celebrities. [Celebrity Smack]
• Eddie Murphy is a sore loser? [Dlisted]
• Jimmy Kimmel’s take on Al Gore’s inconvenient song. [SOW]

• Reno 911 gets the job done. [Pajiba]
• Jessica Biel and Wilmer Valderrama. [Celebslam]
• Ana Beatriz Barros is sexy. [The Grumpiest]
• Will Ferrell’s song at the Oscars. [ICYDK]

Mariah Carey thinks she’s going to be mistaken for a porn star. Not with those chunky thighs she’s not. [Celebrity Smack]

Posh Spice threatens lawsuit. She thinks her jeans are more awesome than they really are and wants to get paid. [Glitterati]

Mel Gibson is bat shit insane. [Pajiba]

Mandy Moore forgives Wilmer Valderrama for telling everyone she’s a slut. What a slut. [Celebslam]

Heather Mills got over $200 million in a secret settlement. Someone also found a bunch of photos of her and Paul that was thrown out including “Mills draped in a sheet in bed, with her artificial leg standing in a black stiletto nearby.” Jesus, it’s too early for an erection. [Celebitchy]

Tori Spelling has some weird stuff at her yard sale. No sign of her career. [CityRag]

Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman aren’t too friendly. So this is what the death of comedy looks like. [Popsugar]

Kelly Clarkson vandalizes Amy Lee from Evanescence’s house. [Just Jared]

Random message to Paris Hilton. [Drunken Stepfather]

Jessica Alba could take a crap in her hand and smear her feces over my face and I would be in shock. Not because I now smell like I just took a bath in a septic tank, but because a part of Jessica Alba has touched me. With that being said, one thing that I will not tolerate is Jessica Alba hanging out with the man whore they call Wilmer Valderrama. He must have stolen my diary because he’s systematically going down my list of people to have sex with. Uh, that’s if I kept a diary. Which I don’t. Oh, that pink book with a lock on it? It’s nothing. Nothing at all.

Last Monday, Wilmer Valderrama was at a party in the Hamptons and arranged for a helicopter to pick up Scarlett Johansson to join him. Josh Hartnett got a little jealous and started calling throughout the night to check up on Scarlett. The word “dignity” springs into mind. I really don’t know why because it should have no business anywhere near this story.

Valderrama was hosting a party at the Star Room, after which the two stars left to attend a friend’s birthday celebration at the club Boutique.

Although the rendezvous was innocent, partygoers report that Josh kept calling his lady love on her cell phone.

“Finally Scarlett just handed her phone to Wilmer and said, ‘Talk to Josh. Tell him we’re friends.’”

I’d be worried too if I were Josh. Not only is Fez some Hollywood starlet magnet, but Isn’t there also some unwritten rule that if a guy flys you to a party in the Hamptons via helicopter, they are guaranteed at least a blow job? Ladies, am I right?