Zach Braff and Drew Barrymore were spotted in the East Village over the weekend. They were holding hands on Lafayette Street and making out at Beauty Bar. Gosh. It’s a good thing Zach Braff broke it off with Mandy Moore or else he wouldn’t be getting tail like this. Isn’t this news exciting folks? It’s like the time I went on a magical adventure to the post office to mail a package and paid with a credit card. Swish. Right through the card reader. Simply amazing.

TMZ spotted Zach Braff attempting to flirt with a female caterer at some Hollywood party. His bag o’ lines included telling her how beautiful she was and that he would add her to the Hyde guest list. The cold hearted bitch still refused. How anyone can deny the charm of Zach Braff is beyond me. Next time maybe he can tell her she has the prettiest most sparkliest eyes ever and ask her if she wants the Ferrari he’s gonna buy her in pink or black. I hear women love men who brag about their riches and use tired lines on them. Trust me on this one. I know what I’m talking about.

There is unseen footage from an episode of Punk’d in 2005 where Zach Braff gets his Porsche graffitied by some kids. After reading this, Zach Braff has won some awesome points for beating up a 12 year old.

“(Then) we go outside and these little kids were spray painting the car. I think that my brand new car with, like, 100 miles on it has been ruined with spray paint graffiti. They choreographed the whole thing and I wasn’t supposed to catch the kid, but I caught him… and I’m not a big fighter or anything, but, with the adrenaline and everything, I just started pummeling him.”

That kid is lucky Zach Braff was the one doing the beating. From what I can tell from his movies and Scrubs, the pummeling could be more accurately described as flailing and clawing.

I’m not sure what I would do if I caught some kids spray painting my new Porsche. I’d probably assign them to community service to teach them respect, love and understanding because children are our future.