Everyone has been seeing pictures of Jessica Biel constantly working out. A normal person would just assume she’s trying to keep in shape. I am not a normal person and I can see through her facade.
Jessica Biel works out in order to carry dead babies in her 20 gallon bag. This conclusion came from scientific analysis that would just go over your head if I try to explain it. That or she needs industrial strength super absorbent pads when she’s on the rag. I prefer the first because the second just ruins the whole fantasy I have for tonight.
This Is Aaron Hernandez’s Alleged Prison Lover
Ashley Graham Sticks Her Breasts in Your Face
Christina Aguilera’s Cleavage Makes Its Return
The Rest of the Web, Tuesday, 4.25.17
Whose Penis Does Caitlyn Jenner Have to Cut Off to Get Some Ratings Around Here??
‘The Dark Knight’ Didn’t Kill Heath Ledger
Ivanka Trump Booed At Women’s Summit
Why Chris Pratt Won’t Take A Picture With You
Aaron Hernandez Wrote ‘ILLUMINATI’ in Blood on Prison Wall and Entering ‘Timeless Realm’ in Suicide Note
‘Cash Me Ousside’ Girl Got Her Ass Kicked, How Bow Dah?
Tom Hardy — ‘I Caught the C*nt’
‘The Bachelor’ Chris Soules Allegedly Killed a Man and Will Be Passing Out Roses In Jail