Ryan Reynolds has split with Alanis Morissette. Who is Alanis? She’s that Canadian girl that had 1, maybe even 2, if I’m nice, popular songs back in the late 90’s. Since Reynolds’ star is rising, he must have saved up enough money to finally get an eye exam, then got contact lenses. He then took a close look at all the girls stalking him and then again at Alanis. Then did a double take like they do in cartoons. Then he started sobbing. Then he remembered that she was a singer, bought himself a hearing aid and realized he was engaged to Bobcat Goldthwait’s sister.
In an old interview, Alanis Morissette credited their relationship’s successful start to them being both Canadian. Now if that’s not a recipe for a good marriage, then I don’t know what is. Some people would credit honesty, love or sex, but none of these come close to nationalism. Sources say Ryan will now get a whiny song about him and it won’t be from me.