Dear Jessica Alba,
You may not know me, but I know you. I’ve watched most of your movies and spent many sleepless nights typing “nude jessica alba” into Google. Your most memorable movie for me was Idle Hands. You wore an angel costume and showed everyone why you belonged in the upper echelon of sexy. You have since indulged my many fantasies through your movies. The latest being a cowgirl stripper in Sin City. Although I cannot remember a single plot line to your movies, I am sure they were great.
Allow me to move quickly to my point. I want you to know that if you continue on the path of Kate Bosworth look-a-like, I am afraid our relationship must end. But you say looking like you need to be sponsored for one cent a day is sexy. I must politely disagree and point out that if you don’t eat more than a salad a day, you may lose the sexy.
On behalf of the general male population, I urge you to return to your former curvasceous body. In fact, I need you to do this because I’ll be damned if I have to spend time and effort in finding another girl to imagine while having sex with both myself and other women. And if you cannot even satisfy me in my masturbatory fantasies, then we may have to sever our ties. For our sakes, I hope it doesn’t come to that.
Men of the World
Here she is playing around with her dog. The dog was probably freaked out that the bone he was about to bury was running away from him. Alright, not that skinny, but she’s well on her way.
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