Jessica Simpson has a new song

PageSix is reporting that Pontius from Jackass has made a recording about the time Bam Margera and Jessica Simpson hooked up and it describes a “kinky form of intercourse”. Jessica and Bam supposedly hooked up last year while Jessica was still with Nick and Bam still had his girlfriend. She was then also rumored to have been with Johnny Knoxville.

I’m not sure what qualifies as kinky intercourse to these people, but going by how Jessica looks, I would have to say donkey punch. Sadly, any kind of fornication with a douche just lowers her standing on my list.

In other Jackass news, Bam Margera’s uncle Don Vito was arrested Friday night and held without bond on charges of sexually assaulting a child. The charges include inappropriate touching during a skateboard event at Lakewood mall. There wasn’t just one incident, there were two incidents of sexual assault on a child.

It didn’t say what kind of touching it was, but anytime Don Vito touches someone it’s inappropriate. Have you ever seen the guy? He’s fat and no one understands what he’s saying. They have to actually put up subtitles whenever he speaks, so it’s not like he can communicate his intentions. He could have just been really hungry and mistaken the girl for a pretzel or something.