Madonna is really smart, really

Madonna will now do for us what scientists around the world have been trying to do for years. Clean up radioactive waste. You may ask how? Well, with magic Kabbalah fluid of course. It’s said that Guy and Madonna have approached various British government agencies about this substance. Suprisingly, people think this is some sort of prank.

“I can write the greatest songs and make the most fabulous films and be a fashion icon and conquer the world, but if there isn’t a world to conquer, what’s the point?” Madonna said, according to the paper. “I’ve just come to a place in my life where I’m trying to really see what the big picture is and where my energy is better spent, and that’s one area I’m really concerned about.”

Saving humanity is no joke. Just listen to her awesome music and watch her incredible movie Swept Away. When the person behind these gems comes up to you and says they have magic liquid to clean up radioactive waste, saying no would be a crime against mother Earth. It’s like when that door to door salesman told me he had a special formula to make my penis grow bigger than it already is. Did I hesitate and ask why this yellow water smelled like asparagus? No, I chugged it like no tomorrow.