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Kirsten Dunst makes me vomit

Kristen Dunst

In a recent interview, Kirsten Dunst dishes out some insight as to why she and Jake Gyllenhal could not last. You see, she had too much freak in her and Jake just couldn’t handle it. I’ll let her do the talking while I attempt to stop my penis from retracting for good.

“We tried to spice things up � we had sex in cars, in the bathroom and even by the sea. The only place we didn’t have the guts to try was in a walkway in a hotel because we thought we might get kicked out if we were caught.”

“Maybe I’m a weird girl and I just needed a good freak to match me.”

I’m not sure who to make fun of. Jake may be flippantly fruity, but I can’t fault him for this. If I ever saw an as of yet unidentified mammal hurtling towards me for sex, I’d also pretend to be gay. The only difference being I would have stopped by now. And Jesus. Considering a hotel walkway? Have some decency. Had I wanted to stumble across two baboons going at it, I would have just gone to the zoo.

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Michele
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Michele

Suddenly, Kirsten woke up and realized she was in love with a man who couldn’t Commit.

stoopid
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stoopid

Thanks. I just lost my lunch.

me
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me

I’d do her.

beholder
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beholder

i dont get it. do people think she’s ugly?

me
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me

Maybe it’s the fugly face, the tusks extending outward from her mouth, the squinty eyes or the fact that she “looks smelly”…or it could just be that she’s a wretched cunt…either or.

All that said I stand by my previous statement that I’d do her. I have low standards.

XAPHIRE
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XAPHIRE

SHE IS DUMB JAKE IS PRETTY MUCH THE HOTTEST GUY IN THE WORLD SHE IS JUST ASTUPID CUNT WHO IS TO LOOSE TO HANDLE JAKES COMMITMENT

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