Jessica Simpson is her own publicist

It’s that feeling you get when you know something bad is going to happen, but you just don’t know when or what. After appearing on People declaring her love for John Mayer, Joe Simpson fired her publicist Rob Shuter. Now Jessica has decided to handle her own publicity starting with personal phone calls to tabloids to repair her rep.

Simpson says she knows exactly who leaks information to the media when she reads the tabloid reports adding, “I know who they are, and none are my friends.

“Trust me, if inside sources were my friends, the magazines would have a lot juicier info!”

She must be talking about the time I charmed her and regaled her with my stories about joining the French Legion. We ended up sharing a night of fantastic sex followed by an awkward morning when Papa Joe caught us in bed together. Jess whispered to me that everything would be all right. After that morning, we never spoke to each other again. To this day, I haven’t figured out how Joe made that carrot disappear.