Hoping to jump on the Brokeback Mountain bandwagon, Eva Longoria and Beyonce are starring in Tipping the Velvet as lesbian lovers. Based on a novel about sexual repression, the story focuses on Kitty Butler and her lover Nan Astley in the 1890’s. Sofia Coppola is attached to direct while Eva and Beyonce are enthusiastic to begin filming their love scenes.
A source revealed, “They weren’t at all coy about the sex scenes. In fact they both seemed to think it would be more fun than doing the same work with a man. It’s going to be very hot.”
Eva’s going to need a lot of makeup. They might as well construct her a latex mask like the ones they have in Mission Impossible and make her look like Scarlett Johansson or a gremlin. Either of those would work. If they don’t, they should change the title to Beauty and the Beast. Now, I’m not saying Eva looks like a hideous monster without makeup…wait, yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.