Beyonce and Jay-Z aren’t getting married

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Beyonce isn’t insane enough to marry Jay-Z this weekend. Reps for both parties have denied plans for any nuptials. It is just a birthday party for Jay-Z. Aww, poor Jay-Z. Now who’s left to marry this ugly man? He’s the only guy who could have his face eaten off by hyenas and come out looking better. When he’s walking around after his accident, friends will come up to him and be like, “You look good man. You lose some weight?”

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