Paris Hilton hasn’t had sex in months

Paris Hilton claims she has been celibate for seven months. During an interview, she was asked how long it’s been.

About six or seven months, I think. I don’t care. I would rather just make out and kiss someone instead of sex. I’ve only been in, like, two relationships and I just thought I’d like to be single. Sex is sacred. People shouldn’t have sex unless they’re in an exclusive relationship anyway. I’d rather not do anything. Guys want you more when you don’t do it! Young girls should know that.

There you have it. Pearls of wisdom from Paris Hilton. Factor in that she probably can’t count and this will translate into a week without sex. By now I doubt Paris even knows what’s going in and out of her vagina. Ben Wa balls for her would be an eight pound bowling ball.

There is also some suspect news that she is getting married to Stavros Niarchos with Britney Spears as her maid of honor. It’s not going to happen because Britney is supposed to stay away from her and you’d have to be brain damaged to agree to it. If I had to choose between a searing hot fork going into my penis and marrying Paris, I’d go with the fork.