For some reason, Jessica Alba looks a little underwhelming in these pictures. It could be the two white napkins clipped to her head or that it looks like she just woke up from an all night bender. Suffice it to say, today I won’t be masturbating to Jessica Alba. But you say what’s wrong? She looks just like a normal person. Well if I wanted to beat it to a plain Jane, I wouldn’t have gotten myself kicked out of the women’s dressing room at Nordstroms. What do you have to say about that mister?!