Hollywood’s biggest circle jerk was on last night. This year the Oscars gave people the greatest host ever in Ellen DeGeneres. I was so captivated that I almost died and I would have had the sleeping pills I took not been fiber supplements. But aside from the absence of comedy and my now much cleaner colon, the memories this farce gave me were well worth a numb ass.
Martin Scorsese finally won an Oscar, Forrest Whitaker managed to make people forget Ghost Dog ever existed and the cameras amazingly didn’t crack under 100 lbs. of fugly when Cameron Diaz lumbered out. Yes, the smell of success was in the air as Jennifer Hudson twisted the knife already buried to the hilt in Beyonce’s chest by winning Best Supporting Actress while The Departed stomped on competition like cockroaches taking home four wins including the coveted Best Picture. Let’s not forget the best part though. The pictures (Naomi Watts above looks pregnant). Lots more after the jump.
Jennifer Lawrence Is Totally Marrying Darren Aronofsky This Summer
Katy Perry’s New Song Empowers Women To Have Food Sex or Something
Ja Rule’s $12,000 Ticket Music Festival Ends in ‘Lord of the Flies’ Nightmare With Kidnapping and Mugging Rumors
Obama’s First Joke About Trump Was Perfect
Rita Ora’s Gonna Regret This Outfit One Day
It’s Kylie Jenner’s Soulless Dead Eyes…And Her Sexy Midriff!
Kendall Jenner Gets Camera Shy Which Is Really Ironic
R. Kelly Sued for Nailing Sheriff Deputy’s Wife and Giving Her Chlamydia
The Rest of the Web, Thursday, 4.27.17
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Robert De Niro Is the New Snapchat King
Nordstrom Is Selling Dirty Jeans for an Insane Price