Jared Leto’s fans are helpful

Remember that story about fans rushing to get a piece of Jared Leto only to break his nose? Turns out it might be false. The alternate version is even better. According to Page Six, the broken nose resulted from a failed stage dive.

He flung himself directly off the stage into the crowd,” said our spy, “and nobody in the crowd caught him.” The audience member added, “We were given no warning. Jared landed really hard on the ground, and people were accidentally stepping on him.”

That must be embarrassing. I guess Jared and I are different after all. The muscles in my legs have atrophied ever since legions of female fans have taken to carrying me above their shoulders. I don’t want to compare myself to a king and make it seem like I’m Mr. Popular, humble is frequently used to describe me, but the view from up here is freaking sweet.

If you just came to this page and were wondering why I put a picture of a fat guy in his underwear, then go here.

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