Madonna is the queen of underprivileged Malawians

Ever since Madonna landed in Africa, she has been constantly followed by a pack of journalists. However, when Madonna reached the Home of Hope orphanage, they were in for a surprise. Backed by police, teenage students from the Mchinji Home of Hope orphanage secondary school formed a ring around the building and hurled rocks at journalists’ cars to prevent them from following Madonna into the compound. Reports indicate the pop star brought adopted son David Banda to meet with his father in private. The police and students aimed to keep it that way.

Holy crap. I’ve always wanted my own army of orphaned children. They make the perfect bodyguards. Why? I’ll tell you why. They’re orphans which means they have nothing to lose which means they will protect me with the ferocity of a pit bull as long as I give them a bag of Skittles every day. Plus, no one would be heartless enough to hurt little children. Especially, little orphaned children.