Joe Francis doesn’t want to leave jail and other stuff

Ryan Reynolds

Joe Francis has been freed on $1.5 million bail in Nevada, but has decided to stay in his comfy Reno jail cell to avoid extradition to Florida. Meaning, Joe Francis will continue to be finger-banged by inmates until his tax evasion trial starts in late July. However, no matter what the outcome, Joe will still have to face “sexual performance with a minor” charges in Florida. Currently, Joe is said to be doing very well with the general population. Not too sure what that means, but if I had to guess, I would say Joe finally learned that screaming only made his throat worse after the inmates were through with it. Because the prisoners like to have eating contests. Ew, you thought I was talking about what? You’re sick.

I got tired of seeing that Joe Francis pic, hence, Ryan Reynolds for all you ladies.

Here’s a recap of today’s happenings.

  • Huffington Post: Ryan Reynolds takes up writing. Not too shabby. He’s still not as dreamy as me, but some day Ryan, some day.
  • Bastardly: Monica Belluci looks like she did 5 years ago with the help of airbrush artists. They could have just hired someone to draw her.
  • Drunken Stepfather: Petra Nemcova hikes up her skirt to get out of a cab. I feel pervy and I love it.
  • CityRag: Paris Hilton’s Arresting Cameltoe
  • Celebitchy: Dina Lohan lied about being a D-lister.
  • Yeeeah: Cameron Diaz’s New Boyfriend Even Bigger Puss than Justin
  • Pajiba: Heroes writer Tim Kring messed with the story line for the season finale. People not happy.
  • Egotastic: Victoria Beckham is Robot Hooker Woman of the Year
  • Celebrity Hack: Vince Vaughn loves to drink.
  • JIYHB: Heidi Montag wants to be more famous that Lauren “LC” Conrad
  • SOW: Jericho is coming back for 7 episodes. CBS still chewing on nuts.
  • HB: Britney Spears $13 Over-customized Mansion Won’t Sell Due To Tackiness
  • Dlisted: Bruce Willis was jealous Ashton Kutcher was boning his ex. Ha, baldy.
  • TFT: Danielle Lloyd Shows Off Her Body Again (NSFW)

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