ESC

Nicole Richie is either pregnant or fat

Nicole Richie was spotted walking down the street covering her face, looking pregnant. Unless she’s really bloated, I’m gonna assume that’s a bastard child in there. This won’t end well. If I was the baby and figured out I was in Nicole Richie’s womb, I would start wrapping the umbilical cord around my neck. But before I did that, I would wreck the place. I’d start kicking anything I could as hard as I could and hope that I break through the placenta and hit her ovaries. I’ll be an unborn hero.

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