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Paris Hilton has ADD and claustrophobia

Paris Hilton

According to TMZ, the reason Sheriff Lee Baca decided to send Paris Hilton home was due to her ongoing battle with ADD and claustrophobia. Being in such a confined space caused Paris to suffer from severe panic attacks and at times, she could not even push the panic button. Oddly enough, jail cells have panic buttons. Today, she’s been crying far less and has even began jotting her thoughts down on a piece of paper. An excerpt from this surefire best seller reads,

Today was bad. I don’t like bad days because they are not good. I need to poop.

And so on. I think the major selling point for this novella will be that it’s the first of its kind whose sentences end with either a :) or a :(and sometimes even a :((. And when you read it, your face will be like o_O, unless you’re Hiro Nakamura, in which case, it would be {{{(>.<)}}} (o.o) \\(^o^)// – YATTA!

  • Rev

    I wish people would at least use enough of the cheesy “they let you grab them by the pussy” to remind people he was bragging about the things gold diggers let rich guys do.

  • LegalDementia

    Obama was actually a bigger racist than Trump but the “Nobel Prize Winner” is given a free pass by the liberal media and KoolAid drinking Democrats because he was something new and had to be praised and protected because of his color. His administration was racked with corruption (IRS, State Department, DOJ, FBI, NSA, Benghazi coverup, etc.), race relations deteriorated significantly (Baltimore, Detroit, Chicago, Dallas, Travon Martin, The Beer Summit, Black Lives Matter, Al Sharpton, Jeremiah Wright, etc.) under useless Barry. He gave us Hillary Clinton, hilariously calling her “the most qualified person ever to run for POTUS!” Together they wrecked the Democratic party for years to come and created racial divisions that may never heal. So when an asshole, pseudo-journalist like Erc Karnes calls Trump a racist…you just have to laugh!

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