Reader e-mail and time wasters

Vikki Blows

I thoroughly enjoy these e-mails I get. So much so that I’m going to show you guys. Like Vanessa. She wants to be a model.

Hy! My name is Vanessa,i am 13 years old and i would like to be a model. Please, could you help me?Thank you.I love your models!!!!

Sorry Vanessa, 13 is young. You’ll have to wait 5 years to develop anorexia or bulimia. But, this other girl wants to know if I offer special training.

hi there
do you train short skiny peaple.

Can you fit in a suitcase? How do you feel about Thailand and prostitution? Please reply back. I may have an “opportunity”.

God, what’s with all these model emails?

Hello, my name is Na’Tera Stewart and Im just browsing different places inthe fashion industry and would like to know how to become a fashion model. Looking for an opportunity where Im from is impossible and I would really like to model for victoria secrets. Please email me with any type of information or advice you have. Thank you.

And penis requests. Really, really enthusiastic and confusing penis requests.

hellllo, thnx very much 4 sending me more photo of hollywood star, pls u will make granted my wish that u send me more hot photo of daniel radcliffe with frontal nudity, and other male with his penis.ttttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhaaaannks

thats all, luv ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jon Paul Smith thinks I’m Rosie O’Donnell.

Rosie, you are a stupid fat cow it needs to keep your mouth shut you sorry piece of shit. Lets do the world a favor and drop you off in Iraq and let the ragheads kill your worthless piece of shit ass. The world would be a better place.

To clarify, unless you’re really hot, female and over 18, I am not a modeling agency. I also do not have a huge collection of celeb penis pictures. Finally, I’m not Rosie O’Donnell. You can tell because I don’t have 4 chins.

Now, waste your time with these.

  • Celebslam: Colin Farrell is good people
  • Celebitchy: Isaiah Washington in multiple debt-based lawsuits before Grey’s success
  • ASL: Mandy Moore Seems Nice
  • HO: Kelly Brook is very very very very nice
  • CS: Kathy Griffin Dishes on the Stars During Stand-Up Show
  • Pajiba: Lindsay’s new movie blows
  • TC: Mena Suvari does some magazine
  • SOW: Pete Doherty sends Kate Moss a message via a newspaper
  • DS: New Babes on the Block
  • EB: Jodie Sweetin Sure Does Love Her Husband
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