I’m Britney’s vagina. You may remember me from such photos as, “Britney Spears gets out of a car with no panties,” and… that’s pretty much it. Well, here I am again. Uncovered and bare for the second or third time. I’ve lost count. I just wanted to say hi. “Hi!” I know I’ve put on a little weight since the last time you saw me, but that’s what happens when the tubby mess I’m attached to insists on eating fried gummi bears for breakfast. Sigh, I wish I could detach myself, crawl in a corner and die. I guess smelling like death is the next best thing. *Sniff* Or not. Oh, it looks like her legs are finally closing, thank god. I thought I was going to catch a cold. Bye y’all.