Paris Hilton wants to be cryogenically frozen

Not content to be the no. 1 vapid whore of this century, Paris Hilton also wants to be the no. 1 vapid whore of next century and the century after that. To accomplish such a feat, Paris has decided to be cryogenically frozen with her two dogs and live in suspended animation until they can make her impervious to any STD (rumored to be her only weakness). The hotel heiress is said to have invested a lot of money into the Cryonics Institute, the world’s largest suspended animation cemetery. Paris gushes,

“It’s so cool. Almost all the cells in the body are still alive when death is pronounced. And if you’re immediately cooled, you can be perfectly preserved. My life could be extended by hundreds and thousands of years.”

I’m delighted that Paris has decided to be frozen. All I have to do now is buy a large freezer, decorate it with pink glitter and tell her to step inside. Then when she’s completely frozen through, I can push her off a really tall building. If you guys decide to organize a parade for me, I’d like to suggest supermodels pillow-fighting on floats. Naked… supermodels. Here’s Paris at the Scream Awards.

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16 years ago

Its amazing how someone like her thinks we all want her frozen so that she can be around forever when in fact we want to see her grow old and die at a much faster rate. I am till confused how she is so famous, I have never heard anyone say they actually like her.

Phillip McCracken
16 years ago

the reason she wants to be frozen is obvious.

she wants to be what they store all those semen samples that you give at the sperm bank in, and, it takes away the need for magazines and videos, cause you can just go over and make a direct deposit right into paris, so, it kinda kills 2 birds with one stone right?, since, u know, she also will continually have dicks ejactulating into her from now to eternity.