ESC

Paris Hilton wants to be cryogenically frozen

Paris Hilton

Not content to be the no. 1 vapid whore of this century, Paris Hilton also wants to be the no. 1 vapid whore of next century and the century after that. To accomplish such a feat, Paris has decided to be cryogenically frozen with her two dogs and live in suspended animation until they can make her impervious to any STD (rumored to be her only weakness). The hotel heiress is said to have invested a lot of money into the Cryonics Institute, the world’s largest suspended animation cemetery. Paris gushes,

“It’s so cool. Almost all the cells in the body are still alive when death is pronounced. And if you’re immediately cooled, you can be perfectly preserved. My life could be extended by hundreds and thousands of years.”

I’m delighted that Paris has decided to be frozen. All I have to do now is buy a large freezer, decorate it with pink glitter and tell her to step inside. Then when she’s completely frozen through, I can push her off a really tall building. If you guys decide to organize a parade for me, I’d like to suggest supermodels pillow-fighting on floats. Naked… supermodels. Here’s Paris at the Scream Awards.

Paris Hilton Scream Awards 2007Paris Hilton Scream Awards 2007Paris Hilton Scream Awards 2007Paris Hilton Scream Awards 2007Paris Hilton Scream Awards 2007Paris Hilton Scream Awards 2007Paris Hilton Scream Awards 2007Paris Hilton Scream Awards 2007Paris Hilton Scream Awards 2007Paris Hilton Scream Awards 2007

  • Rev

    I wish people would at least use enough of the cheesy “they let you grab them by the pussy” to remind people he was bragging about the things gold diggers let rich guys do.

  • LegalDementia

    Obama was actually a bigger racist than Trump but the “Nobel Prize Winner” is given a free pass by the liberal media and KoolAid drinking Democrats because he was something new and had to be praised and protected because of his color. His administration was racked with corruption (IRS, State Department, DOJ, FBI, NSA, Benghazi coverup, etc.), race relations deteriorated significantly (Baltimore, Detroit, Chicago, Dallas, Travon Martin, The Beer Summit, Black Lives Matter, Al Sharpton, Jeremiah Wright, etc.) under useless Barry. He gave us Hillary Clinton, hilariously calling her “the most qualified person ever to run for POTUS!” Together they wrecked the Democratic party for years to come and created racial divisions that may never heal. So when an asshole, pseudo-journalist like Erc Karnes calls Trump a racist…you just have to laugh!

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