Slash is somehow in the news

Slash, formerly of Guns N’ Roses, has a new memoir curiously titled Slash. In it, he fondly remembers the time when he shot up so much cocaine that he began to hallucinate Predator-like creatures attacking him in the shower. Eventually, his friends realized an intervention was in order and sent him to rehab. It didn’t work because quickly after checking out of rehab, he downed a half liter of vodka.

…like those in “Predator” – “but a fraction of the size, and translucent blue-gray; they were wiry and muscular with the same pointed heads and rubbery dreadlocks.”

Too bad it happened while he was in the shower. After punching the glass door until his hands bled – and seeing “an army of [the creatures], holding tiny machine guns and weapons that looked like harpoons” – he ran through the streets of Arizona naked.

The guitarist – who’s still rockin’ as part of Velvet Revolver with Scott Weiland – screamed about his tormentors until police were called.

Drug addicts usually have the best memoirs. It’s like reading about the dreams of a 5 year old whose experienced 40 years of life. Coincidentally, if you took out all the parts about threesomes and weird rashes, you could put this in the children’s section at Barnes and Noble and no one would notice. Speaking of which, sometimes I like to put porno mags in the children’s section. They have to grow up sometime. What better way than to look at pictures of 80-year-old women having sex. I like to think of it as me doing my small part for the betterment of society. Actually, I just like watching little kids cry.

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