ESC

She’s beautiful on the inside…

Jennifer Garner

FADE IN:

INT. CEDARS-SINAI HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY

A scream pierces the maternity ward. Ben Affleck holds up a misshapen object with a heartbeat. Jennifer Garner lays unconscious on a hospital bed. Doctor William Thompson has a hand on Ben’s shoulder.

BEN (O.S.)

But..but..we are BEAUTIFUL! How could this be ours?!?

DOCTOR WILLIAM THOMPSON (O.S.)

It is God’s test. We must love the sick, the downtrodden, the poor. Blessed are those that seek beauty within.

Doctor William stifles a laugh.

DOCTOR WILLIAMS (cont.)

What am I saying??!?! My sympathies. That baby will be good at math though.

Ben falls to the ground, arms raised to the heavens and emits a howl filled with pain and torment.

FADE OUT.

– Captain Swarthy

Editor’s note: Captain Swarthy isn’t all bad. He’d like to offer this addendum as a peace offering. Under the cut of course.

What happens when pretty, vain celebrities have ordinary looking kids. Jennifer Garner just might know. My prediction: This kid Violet will excel at math and science. Her bedroom will be decorated with blue ribbons from the rotary club. She’ll hear “you have a nice personality” more times than she can count. Friends will set her up on countless blind dates. “You just HAVE to meet her. She’s perfect”.

One day though, she’ll put away the headgear. That face will develop and, just like the ugly duckling, she’ll grow up to be one hot chica. AND she’ll have a personality to match. So really, my advice is, seek out the ugly ones because they’ll be really grateful.

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Jane
Jane
13 years ago

I think shes cute…..

Denise
Denise
13 years ago

What are they talking about that little girl is adorable. Why are you talking trash about a toddler, when there are so many celebretards that are begging us to make fun of them?!

ak
ak
13 years ago

I think she’s adorable, too. And I love her hat.

tazzzy
tazzzy
13 years ago

i think your hilarious….funniest crap out there….but please dont start the baby bashing ….if i want to read that crap ill go back to perez

LisaM
LisaM
13 years ago

She is a beautiful child. You are a sick ######.

Jess
Jess
13 years ago

Except for Shiloh she is the cutest celeb baby around. I don’t get how anyone can see a hint of ugly in that adorable face.

And I agree with Denise make fun of Lindsay Lohan, celeb kids should be off limits, they didn’t ask to be in he spotlight.

Lisa
Lisa
13 years ago

What, are you blind? That sweet baby girl is adorable!!!!!!

so what
so what
13 years ago

I think she is a beautiful little girl, I don’t know about Shiloh, I haven’t seen her for a while..

inn33dfr33dom
13 years ago

Violet is awesomely cute.Loving every image of her growing up.

Gabi
Gabi
13 years ago

Really…I actually think she’s a cute baby. She resembles her mum. The only thing that freaks me a bit is the dark color of her eyes, the look like holes. But besides that, she’s a pretty little girl. And I agree with people up there, she’s just a baby, is not as if she’s asked to be in the spot light. Let’s concentrate in adult celebs

saxyman1004
saxyman1004
13 years ago

Yeah, make fun of her horse-face mother and horse-ass father! …wrong with you?

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