Simon Says, Hayden, be my girl?

Hayden Panettiere, cute as a button. I just want to scoop this little thing up in my palm and put her in a gilded cage. Hello my pretty…

She’s so innocent. Lil’ Jon says to “bend over to the front and touch your toes”, not “nose”. You so silly! And you didn’t even bend over Hayden! That’s okay. Girls that DO bend over and touch their toes make me a little queasy. They always remind me of month old turkey sandwiches. Or meatball sandwiches at Subway. Have you had those? They take about two weeks to leave your system. Somewhere between the esophagus and rectum, they mutate into a more complicated life form. Wait, weren’t there only three meatballs? And why is it crawling up my toilet bowl?

Anyway, you don’t eat meatball sandwiches, do you Hayden?

Guest contributor: Captain Swarthy

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