Christina Aguilera gave birth at Cedars-Sinai today. Life & Style confirms. I’m told the baby came out covered in body hair. Husband Jordan was heard grunting with joy.
Meanwhile, Nicole Richie also gave birth to a 6 lb. 7 oz. baby girl at Cedars. She named her Harlow Winter Kate Madden which means anorexic whore in French. No, just kidding. I never took French.
Courtney Thorne-Smith also gave birth today. Who? Yea, exactly.
David Alan Grier also welcomed a girl today. Hey, is there anyone else? I don’t want to have to leave just to come back and talk about another stupid baby.
E! News says Christina didn’t give birth. Uh, I don’t know why I wrote not pregnant. “Baby has arrived. Mom and dad are doing well!” Shut up!