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Winners: Blonde and Blonder DVD giveaway

Blonde and Blonder

Contest winners: I’ll be contacting you guys for your info so you better have left a working e-mail address… or else! Thanks to everyone who entered. If all goes as planned, I’ll be doing another DVD giveaway soon. Winners have 48 hours to send back their info.

  1. Zhen – Sex frogs
  2. Tanya – Blonde hitchhiker
  3. Karen – Blonde compact
  4. Cornhole – Ass for brains
  5. Dotty – Three blondes witness a crime

Are your two favorite things in the world sports cars and tai chi? Then this will probably be of no interest to you. Pamela Anderson and Denise Richard’s movie, Blonde and Blonder — easily confused with Dumb and Dumber — is out on DVD and I’m giving away five copies of it.

Comic mayhem ensues when two lovely blondes, Dee and Dawn, are mistaken as international mob killers.

It’s sort of like when I was confused for an international playboy, but not really like that at all because I’m both a playboy and international. Umm, yea.

I have no idea why people trust me to give things away, but I’m not complaining. Read the contest rules are below. Contest ends next week.

Rules:

  1. Come up with the funniest blond joke you can think of. Be original or at least copy one I’ve never heard of before.
  2. Write it down in an email with the subject “Blonde and Blonder DVD giveaway” and send it to theblemish (at) gmail.com (or) write it down as a comment on this post using a valid e-mail address (so I can contact you).
  3. Sit back. Relax. Wait.

I will choose five winners. Best jokes win. Note that this may be offensive to blonds which makes it even funnier. Also note that blonds may have a slight advantage because they’ve heard them all before. Provided they have the brain power to remember any. Har har har.

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  • Chereth Cutestory

    What’s the difference between a blond and a washing machine?

    When you dump your load in a washing machine, it doesn’t follow you around for a week.

  • Chereth Cutestory

    What happened to the blond who bought herself a vibrator?

    She broke all her teeth.

  • Joel

    Why did the blonde cross the road?
    To suck my fucking cock.

    How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Two. One to screw it in and one to suck my fucking cock!

  • Capt Cornhole

    My favs from over the years:

    How do you get a blonde pregnant?
    Cum in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

    —————————————————

    How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
    Her crayons are still sticky.

    —————————————————

    How does a blonde moonwalk?
    She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

    ————————————————–

    Why don’t blonds like to be cornholed?
    They don’t their brains being screwed with.

  • Tanya

    A blonde picks up a hitch hiker. As they drive down the road the blonde says “see this stereo? it cost over $3000 bucks!” the hitchhiker (a brunette) says ” I dont really want to hear about your stereo.”
    @ mintutes later the blonde says ” Did you see the paint job? cost me $5000 cus its mistic.” The hitchhiker says ” really I Don’t want to hear about the car!” 2 minutes later the blonde says ” oh and the tires! wow $6000 bucks in the rims and tires!”
    The brunette yells ” pull this damn car over!”
    the blonde does as she is told thinking the brunette wants to check the wheels out. Instead the brunette pulls the blonde out of her seat, draws a circle in the dirt, sets the blonde in it and says” if you step out of that circle I will kick your ass!”
    the brunette proceeds to the car and destroys the stereo, she looks at the blonde and the blonde is laughing. angered even more the brunette keys the nice paint job only to turn around and see the blonde laughing hysterically. She then proceeds to destroy the car and to her dismay turns around and sees the blonde laughing very hard. the brunette grabs the blonde and says ” I just ruined your car that you spent so much money on and all you can do is Laugh?!”
    the blonde says ” I stepped out of the circle 3 times and you didn’t even see me!!!!!”

  • karen

    What’s the first thing a blonde says after sex?

    “OK, so, like, are all you guys on the same team?”

  • karen

    two blondes are walking down the sidewalk and one sees a compact lying on the ground. She picks it up, opens it, and says, “Oh, weird! That girl looks so familiar!” The other blonde snatches it out of her hands…”Let me see! Geez, you dumb cunt, that’s ME!”

  • tuzzi

    How do you tell if a blond is having a bad day?

    She has a tampon behind her ear and she can’t find her pencil.

    —————————————————————

    A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,

    “You dumb blonde bimbo! It’s blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I’d come out there and give you what’s coming to you!”

    ————————————————————–

    A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are running from the cops. They hide on a potato farm. They crawl into some potato bags. The first cop pokes the bag with the brunette in it. She says, “Meow.” The cop confirms that it is just a cat. The second cop pokes the bag with the redhead in it. She says, “Woof.” The cop says that it is just a dog. The third cop pokes the bag with the blonde in it. She say in her sweetest voice, “Potato.”

    ————————————————————–
    A drunken blind man walks into a bar and after conversing with the locals finally yells, “Hey, do you want to hear a really funny blonde joke?”

    The gentleman beside him says to him in a hushed voice, “You might not want to tell that joke since everyone here IS blonde including that 250 pound wrestler on the other side of you and the 225 pound black belt bouncer who’s staring at you nastily. Are you sure you still want to tell that joke?”

    “Nah,” says the blind guy, “not if I’m going to have to explain it twice.”

  • Zhen

    The Nail
    ——–

    Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a Colorado rancher.

    One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, “The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow’s stall in the
    barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?” So then the rancher leaves for the fields.

    After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, “This is the one…right here.”

    Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, “Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?”

    “That’s simple. By the nail over its stall.” Amy explains very confidently.

    Then the man asks, “What’s the nail for?”

    She turns and walks away, and with complete confidence, says, “I guess it’s to hang your pants on.”

  • Zhen

    Exotic Frogs For Sale. Have You Got Yours?
    ——————————————

    A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an ‘exotic’ pet As she looks about the store, she
    notices a box FULL of live frogs.
    The sign says:

    ‘SEX FROGS’
    Only $20 each!

    Comes with ‘complete’ instructions.

    The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody’s watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, ‘I’ll TAKE one!’

    As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, ‘Just follow the instructions!

    The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

    As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:

    1. Take a shower.

    2. Splash on some nice perfume.

    3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.

    4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.

    She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . NOTHING happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, ‘If you have any problems or questions . please call the pet store.’

    So, she calls the pet store. The man says, ‘I’ll be right over.’ Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, ‘See, I’ve done everything according to the instructions.
    The damn frog just SITS there!’

    The man . . . looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares ‘directly into its eyes’ and STERNLY says:

    ‘LISTEN TO ME!!

    I’m only going to show you how to do this

    ONE … MORE … TIME

  • dotty

    What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? Run – she is still holding the grenade!

    Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton? It said “concentrate” on it!

    How do you make a blonde laugh on a Wednesday? Tell her a joke on a Monday!

  • anon

    Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
    A: You can park in the handicap zone.

  • dotty

    Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect.

    “Easy, ” she replied. “He only has one eye.”

    The chief was stunned. “He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!” He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him.

    “He only has one ear, ” was her answer.

    “What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side!” He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, “How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer.”

    After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, “He’s wearing contact lenses.”

    This took the chief by surprise. He looked real hard at the picture and couldn’t tell if the suspect had contacts or not, so he went into the database and looked at the report. Sure enough, when the mug shot was taken, he was wearing contact lenses! He went back to her and asked, “How could you tell he was wearing contact lenses? Nobody else here in this precinct saw that!”

    “Well, ” she said, “he can’t wear regular glasses with only one eye and one ear, now, can he?”

  • tonelope

    OK Check dis one i Hope no one said this one yet. hehehehee
    “HOW do you Know that a blond was using your computer? If the joy stick is WET!!!!!! HEEEEAAALLll YEAH!!!

    Tone Lope

  • that nice, lol

  • Why am I not surprised people aren’t lining up for this “free” giveaway

  • Zhen

    Thank you for the DVD.

    Is the Signature of Denise Richards real or just put on by theblemish.com?

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