What a stupid secret

Every time a celebrity gives birth there are always a hundred articles about how they managed to slim down. Usually they say something innocuous like, “I work out,” while very few others say they get lipo and take a lot of laxatives, “I mean, like, A LOT.” Even fewer admit to doing absolutely nothing to trim that pregnancy weight. Nicole Richie falls into that category.

A lot of people were wondering how Nicole slimmed down so fast after her birth. Apparently it wasn’t from the copious amounts of alcohol she consumed to induce vomiting whatever food she ate an hour before, it’s from a “waist clinching undergarment” called Spanx. OK! Magazine has the fascinating scoop.

“She sometimes wears two pairs at a time,” a pal of Nicole reveals to OK!. And while the new mom is keeping this secret from the public, her fiancé Joel Madden, 28, is all too familiar with them. “He’ll help her find them in her closet if they’re running late,” says the friend. “But he thinks she looks great just the way she is.”

You may assume otherwise, but I really couldn’t care less how or why Nicole Richie seemed to have lost so much weight so fast. I just wanted to use this article to highlight the fact that Nicole is a lazy bitch. Get your ass in a gym fatty.

To further point out her unwillingness to do any type of hard labor, here’s an article from Page Six saying how her and Joel Madden have been going out every night to party.

During the Grammys weekend, the couple went to several parties each night for hours. Last weekend, Richie and Madden once again left their tot at home to spend some quality time with Joel’s brother Benji and Lindsay Lohan at Teddy’s in the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel. They didn’t rush home until the end of the evening – “It’s almost as if they aren’t parents,” said a spy.

Of course they aren’t parents. Parents parent. Nicole and Joel go out, get wasted and stumble home plastered. That’s called “alternative daycare” or “why your kid hates you.”

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capt. cornhole
capt. cornhole
13 years ago

She’s still about 50lbs shy of what I would call a real woman. Despite that, feeling her tight ballon knot tearing open with pressure from a well lubed finger…mmmm that would be lots of fun.

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