Everyone wants to be a Scientologist

Pete Doherty

Rumors of Pete Doherty joining Scientology have made their way to the media. After meeting Scientologist DJ Nadine Ruddy, Pete Doherty began intensely reading about the cultish religion.

“Nadine is really into Scientology. She takes her beliefs very seriously.

“Pete’s chatted a lot with her about it. He went out and bought some books to read up about it.

“He just wanted to find out more about Nadine and what she believes in.”

What an amazing new acquisition for the church. At the bi-annual Scientology meeting, they’ll ask Tom Cruise, “Who did you bring in Tom?” “Will Smith and Jada Pinkett,” Cruise will shriek while happily rocking back and forth on his heels. Thunderous applause will be heard throughout the room. Then they’ll turn to DJ Nadine Ruddy. “Who did you bring in Nadine?” She’ll look around nervously and quietly whisper, “Pete Doherty?” Chuckles and scoffs will then echo among the crowd. “No, no. This simply will not do,” they’ll reply as they shake their heads in disgust, pull out a gun and shoot her.

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