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Jennifer Lopez might have OCD

Jennifer Lopez

After giving birth, Jennifer Lopez has been busy spoiling her twins by giving them a masseuse, a trained color therapist, 600-count Egyptian cotton cot linen, designer Babygros, diamond engraved rattles and two small Shetland ponies. Right around masseuse is when I realized my childhood pales in comparison to her kids’. You guys have Shetland ponies? Oh yea? Well… I have this toy gun that shoots plastic discs. Pew pew pew. Showbiz Spy says:

“She has employed a professional baby masseuse to come in once or twice a week and is also superparanoid about hygiene.

“The twins’ wing is totally sterile and all flowers and presents are stored in a separate room, so they don’t contaminate the babies’ area.

“It may sound excessive but she’s only got her kids’ best interests at heart and wants to give them the start in life she never had.”

Keeping your babies in a sterile room all the time is possibly the worst thing you could do for them. If they’re never exposed to the world, they’ll never build up resistance/antibodies. I ate candy and ants when I was a kid. Look what happened. After a week of vomiting my guts out because of E. Coli, I turned out super buff and handsome to boot. The complete opposite of what Jennifer’s kids are gonna be like. When they’re older, they might die if someone so much as breathes on them.

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Baby masseuse? How the hell do you get a job like that? Do you have to go to school? Do babies even know when their muscles get tense? All they do is roll around and throw up on stuff.

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