Jessica Simpson is in the hospital

Jessica Simpson is currently being treated for a kidney infection at Cedars-Sinai. She checked in on Friday because of aches and a fever. Her boyfriend, Tony Romo, wasn’t there because he had prior commitments in Dallas. For, uhm, charity. Yea, charity. That’s it.

I’ve always wanted to be a doctor at Cedars-Sinai. That way when Jessica comes in I can tell her that she needs to strip naked to be throughly examined with massage oil. Oh, and I’ll tell her not to worry about me getting naked too. I just need to take her temperature. With my penis.