Kate Beckinsale, world’s hottest woman

The first time I saw Kate, I didn’t take much notice of her. Oh look, another beautiful Hollywood actress. La-dee-da. Then, I saw more pictures of her. I also hear her say things like eating vajajay. I’m hooked and think “Self, you got to hit that”. But how? That’s when I called up my friend who works in the “biz”. We brainstormed and came up with a halfway decent plan. He paid off a couple of paparazzi to let us know when they see her. Not totally original, but it was a plan.

Lo and behold, she stops by in Malibu. We get the call and I rush over there. Just as we get there, she’s in line to buy ice cream. Or candy. I couldn’t tell because her beauty was quite blinding.

“Dude, grab the camera. I’ve got a foolproof way to meet her.”

Friend grabs the camera, I line up behind her. And what you see are pics from the greatest moment of Kate’s life.

“Kate! I’m your biggest fan!” I yell, then pull out my wiener. *click click* The first two pics (here and here) capture her shy, schoolgirl smile at my boldness.

“Seriously, Kate, I’m your biggest fan”. I then pull out the rest of it. *click click* The next two pics (here and here) show quite different emotions from Kate. Shock? Terror? Panic??

I heard her murmur “Oh my”. The rest is fuzzy because LAPD then tasered me. Which is how I ended up here.

Guest contributor: Captain Swarthy

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capt. cornhole
capt. cornhole
16 years ago

Normally I don’t ponder the comments made by star crowd.

But, this whole Pharaoh’s tomb thing has me scratching my head. I can’t figure out what hell that means.

On one hand she claims her snatch is her best feature, yet slangly call’s it the pharaoh’s tomb. What, when she coughs does mummy dust fly out?

Maybe she’s got this monster bull nosed clit that looks like the sphinx?

Or she likes to see her man’s pecker wrapped up with sports tape like a mummy, and pretends it’s walking the hallways of her twat.

16 years ago

Wow Kate is gorgeous and no photoshopping necessairy as far as I’m concerned. I can imagine her being frightened when you approach her like that..