The first time I saw Kate, I didn’t take much notice of her. Oh look, another beautiful Hollywood actress. La-dee-da. Then, I saw more pictures of her. I also hear her say things like eating vajajay. I’m hooked and think “Self, you got to hit that”. But how? That’s when I called up my friend who works in the “biz”. We brainstormed and came up with a halfway decent plan. He paid off a couple of paparazzi to let us know when they see her. Not totally original, but it was a plan.
Lo and behold, she stops by in Malibu. We get the call and I rush over there. Just as we get there, she’s in line to buy ice cream. Or candy. I couldn’t tell because her beauty was quite blinding.
“Dude, grab the camera. I’ve got a foolproof way to meet her.”
Friend grabs the camera, I line up behind her. And what you see are pics from the greatest moment of Kate’s life.
I heard her murmur “Oh my”. The rest is fuzzy because LAPD then tasered me. Which is how I ended up here.
Guest contributor: Captain Swarthy
Vin Diesel Says He’d Whoop The Rock
Did Aaron Hernandez Kill To Cover Up His Homosexuality?
The Rest of the Web, Friday, 4.21.17
Rob Lowe Won the Acting Role of a Lifetime
Aaron Hernandez Wrote Suicide Note to Gay Prison Lover
Carmelo Anthony’s Mistress Will Turn Around The New York Knicks
‘Fast and Furious’ Franchise Spinning Off The Rock and Jason Statham
Good News on Friday: Next ‘Friday’ Movie May Finally Happen
Kim Kardashian Is Selling Candles of Herself as the Virgin Mary and People Are Mad
Amy Schumer Took a $2,000 Piss
It Looks A Lot Like This Kid Mouthed ‘Fuck You’ To Trump
Katy Perry Spits Out Starbucks’ Unicorn Frappuccino