Penelope Cruz hung out with Javier Bardem in France over Easter weekend. She in her bikini, he in his trunks. They made out on the balcony and relaxed in sun chairs lazily reading side by side. Later, they probably ordered room service which they put on their black AMEX card. After a lavish meal of oysters, caviar and chocolate covered strawberries, they most likely finished the night with mind blowing sex after which their naked bodies collapsed on a bed made of crumpled $100 bills and the fur of endangered pandas. Of course, I only tell you this to remind you that your life isn’t nearly as fantastic as theirs. Loser.