ESC

Why Charlize, why?

Charlize Theron

Charlize Theron recently told In Touch that she’s ready to spend nine months waddling around on swollen feet and feeding a parasitic entity festering inside her womb.

“I’ve been thinking about becoming a mom for a couple of years now,” the 32-year-old actress says. “My biological clock is ticking, but it hasn’t gone off yet. I couldn’t hope for my career to be going any better, and I have found the great love of my life in my relationship, so I think we’re ready to start having kids running around the house. I’m ready to take on the responsibility of motherhood.” Charlize says Stuart Townsend is “the man I want to share parenthood with.”

This is depressing. The only good thing about pregnancy are the boobs. I could do without the weight gain and resulting birth. What are kids good for anyway. The only thing I’d know what to do with one is to strap a harness on them and force them to pull me around in a sleigh. Even then, it’ll only be 10 feet until they collapse in exhaustion; gasping for air. Not to mention the speech from child protection services. Blah blah blah, unfit parent, blah blah blah, can’t whip them.

ShootShootShootShootShootShootShootShootShootShoot

  • “I doubt Sagemiller would throw Theron and Zellweger under the bus like that, bringing their names up for no reason”

    Seriously? You can’t think of what might motivate some lesser actress to drop the names of a couple A-listers like that? Now I realise evidence is unfashionable these days and mere denunciations must be believed without question or you are a Bad Person, but if you really can’t think of a reason why she might say those things, you ain’t trying very hard ;-)

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