Some guy managed to land the fantastic job of lotioning Gisele Bundchen’s ass for her photo shoot. I wasn’t even considered because of the background screening. Either way, I’m happy for him. So happy that I want to punch him in the face. He doesn’t deserve this. I should be the one rubbing stuff on her ass without fear of being tasered. Me me me. I don’t have a shrine to Gisele just to be that creepy guy who stares at my neighbor through her window with binoculars you know. Whoops, how’d that last part get in there?