Jessica Simpson is slippery

Esquire, in their infinite wisdom, decided put Jessica Simpson shaving her non-existent beard on their upcoming cover. Rawr, what a turn on. Nothing gets me hotter than staring at a photo alluding to the fact that the chick you’ve been fantasizing about may actually be a man or wolfman. I just hope they don’t have a photo of Jessica scratching and adjusting her crotch inside or my brain may explode, forming a mushroom cloud of euphoria atop my broken skull.