Paris Hilton to torment dogs on British tv

Paris Hilton has inked a deal with Living TV, a British network, to host a dog grooming series called Paris’ Pooches. The show will focus on Paris managing a beauty parlor for dogs on Bond Street, London.

“The shop is perfect for Paris. It’s a subject she’s passionate about and it’s a way for her to break into U.K. TV.”

“Watching Paris act out her Los Angeles lifestyle, in which tiaras for Chihuahuas are of real importance, should be very entertaining. And she will no doubt be hitting the clubs and parties over here in the same way she does back home.”

The original plan was a cat grooming show called Paris’ Pussy, but they were afraid everyone would hate them. Dogs are much better. Paris is supposed to have 17 of them. 10 are named Patchy because that’s what their fur looks like after Paris cuts their hair. The other 7 are named Limpy because that’s what their lifeless bodies do when Paris drags them out on the street for a walk not realizing she killed them two weeks ago by dying their hair with a bottle of bleach she found under the sink.