Ashlee Simpson is married

If you were wondering whether Ashlee Simpson wed Pete Wentz over the weekend, she did. If you were wondering whether Pete Wentz is still a fairy, he is. On Saturday, in what PEOPLE describe as an “intimate ceremony,” Ashlee and Pete exchanged vows in front of close friends and family. Joe Simpson officated while Jessica was the maid of honor. Pete had his bulldog be the ring bearer. The only thing that could make this wedding lamer is if they had a fairy tale theme. Oh, wait.

With the help of wedding planner Mindy Weiss, Simpson got her dream nuptials: The Alice in Wonderland themed reception featured a wedding cake by Sam Godfrey of Perfect Endings with a top hat, tea pot, stop watch and a pot of flowers on top. The elaborate centerpieces of black beauty roses were by Mark’s Garden. Guests were served Rose Veuve Clicquot champagne followed by a sit-down dinner and dancing to a deejay.

Rumor has it that this wedding took place so quickly because Ashlee Simpson is pregnant. If this is true, it would make no sense at all. Partly because people can do math, but mostly because the baby is supposed to be Pete Wentz’s. That guy wouldn’t know what to do with a vagina if it sat on his penis. His penis would probably get really nervous, look around and throw up.

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capt. cornhole
capt. cornhole
13 years ago

cough cough BEARD!!!!! BEARD!!! cough cough…

Could even be some double-bearding working too?

Ashlee could be fond of eating snatch….

13 years ago

…..that’s exactly what happened! His penis puked & voila!

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