Lindsay Lohan needs fast cash

Lindsay Lohan realizes she isn’t as big a draw as she once was and with no significant work in the near future, meaning no income whatsoever, she’s sunk to selling her own exclusives to magazines. The first of which was supposed to be a $1 million story to OK! Magazine detailing her lesbian relationship with Samantha Ronson. However, Page Six leaked the story and now Lindsay is having second thoughts since it might “jeopardize future exclusives.”

“She might not have wanted to do a cover before when it was actually news (that she’s dating Samantha Ronson), but she wants someone to do the story now, she needs the money,” said the source. “Of course a deal isn’t going to work now, after so many pictures of the two of them have already gone public.”

Not only is Lindsay having fame problems, but so are the rest of the Lohans. They’re being bested by the Spears.

“She can’t believe Britney Spears got so much attention for ‘How I Met Your Mother’ and no one cared that (Lohan) was on ‘Ugly Betty.’ Even Jamie Lynn (Spears) has managed to steal the little-sister spotlight from Ali (Lohan) by timing the end of her pregnancy with the start of ‘Living Lohan.’ It’s not an auspicious season for the family.”

When you can’t even sell your own exclusives to magazines, that’s when you know you’re an idiot. Lindsay was probably sitting around looking at pictures of her kissing Samantha and thought she could make money by exclusively telling a magazine that she and Samantha are gay for each other. This is the equivalent of buying an iPhone and the next day going to the patent office to get some sort of copyright on it. On an unrelated note, one time I went to a patent office to tell them about my cool new phone idea. I couldn’t realy make out what they said through all that laughter, but I think the answer was “no.” Whatever.